Painfully excited.

Holy crap I love this show! Is it wrong to watch Dexter with your newborn daughter?

I love my dog.

Tooling is exhausting...

So we have spent around the last week sifting through roughly 100 years of antique tooling.

All original, all in wooden boxes, all in pristine condition. All of which is sitting in the center of what is supposed to transform into my private grooming shop.

Rob decided to sell all of his extra or unused tooling to create a safety net for us. He thought having a nice sum of money to back things up just in case would be a nice "ease of mind" present for me. Plus I think the reality of the tools finally hit him. He doesn't know what half of them are. Machinist tools, vintage machinist tools. Tools that are going to sit and rust and we both would rather see them used or collected rather then store them and let let deteriorate. Someone should love them for what they are, not just Oo and ah at the pretty boxes (guilty).

WE couldn't figure out where to start. Some tooling is so big it would be impossible to ship. My first guess, craigslist! you can find anything on craigslist right?  We met a wonderful old machinist by way of my feeble attempt to sell the big machinery. Rick is his name and if I didn't know better I would have thought him clairvoyant. This man told hubs what we had in our shop, what a machinist would have. We have it all, in pristine condition apparently.

He offered us information on everything. including reasonable asking prices. Prices we should sell them for. Research back him up. -I'd like to note that it is a bit sad that i felt the need to research a 65 year old mans word because everyone in the world has lost a sense of honor and tends to screw whomever they can-

I have taken roughly 300 pictures of tooling, boxes, calipers micrometers, lathes, mills, and things i have no idea what they are for. Cataloging a lifetime of tooling is exhausting. 

Age of Aquarius....

I've always held a bit of stock in astrological signs. It only seemed appropriate since my sign has always fit me so well. Aquarius...

Aquarius Strength Keywords:

- Witty
- Clever
- Humanitarian
- Inventive
- Original

Aquarius Weakness Keywords:

- Stubborn
- Unemotional
- Sarcastic
- Rebellious
- Aloof

Ever since I've become interested in such things this sign has held true for me, but I don't hold to it like its the metaphysical law. Everything in a realm that is mostly interpretation should be taken with a grain of salt. After all I've read dozens of articles about the age of Aquarius, and if I sourced all of them I would gather that the age is over, is currently  going on, was spurred on by the great depression, coincides with the Mayan death calender,  or wont be until the year 3000. Grain of salt....

My husband is a Scorpio. Which is said to be the most powerful of all signs while mine is said to be the most intense of all signs.
 Likes for a scorpio:
Honesty, facts and logic, good-natured banter, being correct, old friends, great ideals, worthy opponents

This does have potential to describe my husband. Of course if I put too much stock into Zodiac signs it also means I should divorce my husband, Air and water don't mix. In fact we aren't supposed to understand each other at all.

It is hard for me to completely trust it, for one memorable reason. Every year I share a birthday with a man I went to school with named Eric Walters. In my younger years I expected to share a short of kinship with Eric, after all we were born on the same day we had to have something in common. Boy was I wrong. Eric was, in high school at least, a very run of the mill athlete and probably the least imaginative soul I've ever met. I'm almost positive he only graduated because his mother worked in the front office. Every year I was reminded that The zodiac is not tried and true, but I think I like it better that way.

So What happens when an Aquarius and a Scorpio birth a Virgo? or  possibly a Libra depending on when the little one decides to show up. The signs seem to be the exact opposite of Hubs and I. While there is some compatibility here or there the signs seem to be polar opposites.

What does this tell me? Not much. I do think things like this are taken far too seriously. It was just a curiosity in the middle of a storm for me. The fact that i am not worried is a comfort.   It reaffirms my faith in our ability to nurture a child in the direction best suited for her nature or desires. Will I get a very preppy princess? Possibly, I certainly have no intention of forcing this child to be like me.

I think a lot of parents lose sight of how easily influenced children can be. Instead of re-inforcing positive traits, I see many parents unintentionally throwing their own insecurities onto their children. Small things can change a child perspective, like commenting on a little girls intelligence instead of her cuteness.

Zodiac signs aside, I'm sure I will clash with my children as most parents do. Things like this remind me to re-enforce independence, self-confidence, and self worth. After all why would you want a carbon copy, when an original little girl is so much better. 

This is why I own a poodle... ^__^

9MM

" Your the quiet kind of crazy. The kind of crazy that sneaks up behind you and attacks people with hugs and mild violence. Your the kind of the girl who would love to get a 9MM for Christmas, and if anyone legitimately compared you to Mary Poppins you'd be pissed. Your gonna be one hell of a mom"

A friend whom I used to work with in Findlay told me this recently.

Is it strange to want a pistol for Christmas? I'd be awesome at speed shooting, just saying.

To each her own. I'll stand outside in a sundress and shoot a 9MM any day.

I have to admit i do get easily annoyed with a majority of females. I've recently figured out why. At one point I had thought most girls were the same. Dumb, stereotypical, most of which who search for validation in the eyes of a man. Some girls are like this, but not all. What truly bothers me in women in the desire/need to adhere to strict social norms but not have the desire to travel outside their social group.
 It is a trait not as prevalent in the male half of the species. In fact when we see this trait in males  most people tend to think they're gay.

On one hand social acceptance can make life and success easier, but being beige usually is counter active to life goals in the long run. So many women look back and wonder "what if". Really what if you embarassed yourself in a room full of strangers? Who cares, they are strangers. Plus now you have a story to tell.

I completely understand why not everyone wants pink hair or tattoos. I get that. But the need for validation in a society that will just as quickly forget your name just irks me. Do i sometimes need approval from my friends or family to reassure myself? Sure I do, but i could give a flying fuck about the 65 nameless faceless people I just walked by in the mall.

Be Brave, be unique, Be spontaneous.
I seriously wish gender did not exist.

Be who you want to be, regardless of what anyone says.

Little Shoes...

Washing, sanding, painting, knitting, and sorting.

I've been putting things away in  little bits room. Clothes, toys, baby gear. Its amazing how much I have accrued for this child. Something tells me it wont be enough. Of course nothing has a permanent place yet. I still have to paint and lay flooring in the baby's room. We've been so pre-occupied with Robs core classes we just haven't went out and done it yet.

My lack of focus plus intense need to nest is making life interesting. It may take me a bit longer for me to complete some projects but it tends to be because I start so many at once. I have finished painting and re-purposing an old dresser and washed and disinfected all things baby. I have finished other things but honestly... do you care?

I keep having these, "holy crap I'm having baby" moments. These moments spur on the nesting. Its not I should do this soon it ends up being I NEED to do this now. Right now. Luckily Rob is completely understanding of my crazy ways.  and pretty accommodating at that rate. I really should be around normal people more often. Being around normal limits my outbursts of ridiculous energy... I can completely be outrageously crazy around Rob.

9 weeks to go give or take.

Success!!!!

Construction mostly done!

Under construction....

I am tired of the way this blog looks and it will be under contruction for a bit untill i figure out exactly the way it needs to looks.....

Coming soon....
MANIC PANDA!

cloth diaper hunt

I was hunting, researching and generally pulling my hair out looking at cloth diapers when I came across this at an esty shop.

My faith has been renewed in human beings...

and I'm getting it.

  click on the diaper to check out the shop!

1% Change

I've been inspired.

I follow a blog closely called  Love, Audrey. Today she posted a blog about 1% change. 1% change is about changing something small in your daily life that will impact your life substantially.Betting your health, spirituality, environment, or relationships by taking small steps.

I assume there is a movement behind this thought (if not then there should be, the simplicity is brilliant) but I haven't found anything more about it than beyond her blog.  SO I will set my own interpretation on 1% change to  forward my thinking.

Domestically schizo

Lately I have been taking stock of everything in my house, for no particular reason. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
   While I find myself being much more domestic than I'm used to, a part of me is also pulling the other way. I like to clean, and cook, and coupon. I like to knit and sew and bake. I love making original things for my home. At the same time i have intense desires to do things that are unconventional. I have drafted plans to construct a lighted tree built into the dining room wall. I need a giant cephalpod mural, and I still will have multi colored hair.
It seems for everything domestic I enjoy I have something equally unconventional that I enjoy. It hasnt affected my daily life yet, but then again I'm not a mom yet.
  I still have to make it a point to let being a mom be a part of me but not completely define me. I think thats important not only for me but for my child...
 There is so much i want to do to this house. I don't know if it is even worth it. Can I stand being this far from my family? Ugh. I have no attention span right now.
 

Breathe deep. Feel the air around you. Open you hands, palms up. Let the energy flow through your being. Breathe.

Smell the wax, the salt, the earth, and the incense.

Breathe deep.

Feel the heavy-ness lift. Let the white light settle around you.

Breathe.

Family time...

    I have recently got the OK from my doc to dye my hair. Let me tell you I was Jones-ing, hard. So of course, being me, I had intended on dying my hair purple. Bright purple. Of course EVERY store in Findlay was out of the only brand I felt comfortable using... in both colors I wanted. Dammit. Still I can take a hint from the universe. What are the odd of 4-6 fully stocked super stores being out of a very niche permanent hair color? Slim to none. No stark purple for me, but a dark purple/burgundy instead. Tried but true.

I had wanted purple for two reasons.
1. I had never had that color before. Simple enough.
2. To make a point.

  This would honestly be the first time in a long time I was trying to look different for the sake of being different. Most times it just happens, but this time it had to do with family. Hubs family to be specific. Still my hair was different enough to make an impact. Even though no one mentioned it. I have had enough experience with strange hair to realize when it makes people uncomfortable.

  I have always grown up with an intensely supportive family. Even when it came to hair color. Hubs, however, did not. I have really struggled recently with their level of involvement in this child's life.  Mostly his maternal side, the rest we don't even see. Hubs has really let me make the overall decision. Family is so influential. The last thing I want is miss Lyla to have a complex about her Grandma or Aunt. Anyone really but these people are really my main concern.

I saw my Mother-in-law and Sister in law(plus her family)  for the first time in 2 years. MIL tried desperately to make me feel included. She even laughed with me about silly things. It was overall a good balance of making me feel welcome and being involved with everyone else.  I will never be best friends with this woman, we are just too different, but she is genuinely supportive of where we are going in life.  Mom's always have an opinion, its their job (lord knows my mom does), she has found a comfortable balance for expressing hers. I really appreciate that.
SIL and company, on the other hand, refused to acknowledge the fact that I am pregnant or the fact that rob will have a degree soon. I tend to get an overwhelming response everywhere I go about being pregnant. Especially with woman who have already had children. When talking to family it seems to be the only thing that exists.... which is OK, it is exciting. SIL made it a point to change the subject when MIL tried to chat about it, every time. I'm not sure why. On top of that SIL tried repeatedly to change the hubs mind about the medical field. He graduates in October for Christs sake.  What did they want him to do? Auto body. Oh good, daily welding and power tools for the man who has seizures, Brilliant.
 We do have completely different ideals. She prides herself on the fact that she has brainwashed her children and told them what careers to pursue based on nothing more than money. I am not exaggerating.

 Of course this unnecessary tension prompted a very long and serious conversation with the hubs. My last question to him was " If she doesn't want anything to do with Lyla now, why should she have anything to do with her in the future?" Luckily, he completely agreed.
I am not likely to split up his family, but I am likely to limit interaction with my SIL. Children are so sensitive to what people say, it can stick with them forever. The last place she should feel not good enough is around family.
Is it really so radical to want my child to feel supported and loved?

Dill

Unintentional buddy. <3 now with a name...

Again....

I've been meaning to do this....
25 things

1. On a whole I don't make sense, and Im ok with that.

2. Most of my favorite people have been cross dressers.

3. I have very unconventional views on sex, most of which I only share with my husband.

4. I am very good at purposefully dropping off the face of the earth.

5. Sometimes I do things just to see how people will react.

6. I've got a lovely bunch...

7. I hate how seriously people take Facebook and other social media.

8. Loves the fact that I don't tan.

9. Therapists don't like me and I love that.

10. I have been described professionally as high functioning but I certainly don't feel like it.

11. I have no desire to go back to college, It would not help my future endeavors.

12. Love to study theology but is a bit too smart to be scared into a conventional belief system.

13. I truly wish there was no such thing as gender

14. I am bent on maintaining myself as a person and not letting that get lost in being a mom

15. Realizes that probably sounds terrible to all the wrong people.

16 Amalgamation is the most proper term for that goal.

17. I am a very realistic minded person married to a man who is all about idealism.

18. I am drawn to things on very opposite ends of the spectrum.

19. I.E. Knitting, welding, sewing, and wig making.

20. I love animals but can barely stand cats.

21. I thought it would be years before I had another bird until Dill found me.

22. I wish I could spend more time with my friends, but I'm not sure how to do that,

23. The music on my phone consists of Chopin, 3OH!3, Sweeney Todd soundtrack, Korn, 50's music and some elctronica... and many more.

24. I have read more books about animal behavor than anyone probably gives me credit for.

25. I am simultaneously  in love and scared to death of the being in my uterus.

29weeks

Detailed child info:

Weight: approx. 3.0 Ibs

Length: approx. 17 in

At this stage: The brain begins to be characteristically wrinkled. Around this week, some children eventually turn upside down and remain in this position until birth. Now you'll feel kicks only in the stomach. No more attacks on the bladder. Observe fetal movements. Remember that there is less and less room in the uterus and therefore the frolicking is not so intense. Stay alert, but don't panic. Usually it turns out that the child had a longer nap. Remember to keep your diet rich in calcium and iron. The baby takes iron from you, and builds up stores like a hamster. How's your little one? Lanugo covering him begins to fade, but some of it will probably stay until birth. Brain is constantly folding and great progress in folding is very well visible in ultrasound.

Absent

I've been away, more so I've been a bit apathetic towards the internet.
I have spent the last few days sick on and off. I suppose it serves me right, I have had it easy thus far.  I have learned, however, tortilla chips taste the same coming back up.
Hubs and I have been spending a lot of alone time together. Trying to take advantage of the luxury before it becomes a bit difficult to do so. Its been nice. Movies, shopping, board games, and goofy talks. I think what is better is that it just happened. We didn't plan to get closer, we just did. 
He has been kicking my ass at chess. It is approipriate seeing as he taught me how to play. The problem in playing logic based games with me, is that my strategy is greatly affected by my mood. Its why I am so good at poker. My betting is rarely affected by the pot situation or percentages. It changes throughout the game in a very odd pattern. I have tells, big tells but they are always changing. This is not usually a concious effort. Anyway...

Being sick has been nice in an odd way. I never thought I'd say that.
I should grab my bucket and go back to bed.
Ill have to edit this in the morning, phone blogging is odd.

My most recent view ^__^