Psychosis

I have always held a high regard for psychology. While it is considered a soft science I often find that the facts presented within the subject to be absolute or  at least somewhere near it. 


I have been told that creative minds are statistically more likely to develop schizophrenia, sometimes I feel like I'm halfway there. 
My interest has always been on the psychosis side of  psychology. It is nothing new to me to be attracted to the darker side of things...

Introduction to Psychosis

Psychosis is chaotic thinking that is the result of a severely impaired reality test ( the patient cannot tell inner fantasy from outside reality). Some psychotic states are short-lived and transient (microepisodes). These last from a few hours to a few days and are sometimes reactions to stress. Psychotic microepisodes are common in certain personality disorders, most notably the Borderline and Schizotypal. Persistent psychoses are a fixture of the patient's mental life and manifest for months or years.

Psychotics are fully aware of events and people "out there". They cannot, however separate data and experiences originating in the outside world from information generated by internal mental processes. They confuse the external universe with their inner emotions, cognitions, preconceptions, fears, expectations, and representations.

I'm sure everyone has come into contact with people like this, some of us more than others. Sometimes it is hard to realize that this is truly a sickness that calls for medication.  A spiteful or vengeful psychotic can be a lot to deal with, especially when they are seeking revenge from their own delusions. 

I have toyed with the idea of being a professional psychologist. Honestly, as I get older I realize that I don't have much tolerance for people. that is most definitely a problem. I imagine it would be different, sitting in an office, but it is hard to put myself in those shoes.  I cannot deny that my tolerance for mankind is shrinking with every illiterate idiot that enters my life. I also have an unfailingly forgiving heart, that tends to get me into trouble. The combination of intolerant yet forgiving does not make for a good therapist. After all I couldn't ethically tell a patient to "get over it" or "stop being an idiot", as much as I know i would want to. I would probably end up driving myself crazy by forcing my opinions out the door. 


I deal with these people in my everyday life unfortunately, I would love to have the power to commit a few of them, but to deal with that in both my personal and professional life would be a bit much. Frankly Ive learned how to ignore it anymore it is just a nuisance or a pitiful form of entertainment.



Fun fact:
A delusion is "a false belief based on incorrect inference about external reality that is firmly sustained despite what almost everyone else believes and despite what constitutes incontrovertible and obvious proof or evidence to the contrary".

Favorite music...

http://bear-stitches.deviantart.com/

The lives of the wicked should be made brief

For the rest of us death will be a relief

We all deserve to die.

You can have the kingdom, you can have the crown, 

but you won't have the people. 

no, we'll see you down.
I put my arms around you around you

And I hope that I will do no wrong

You raise the blade, you make the change

You re-arrange me 'till I'm sane

I am influenced by music on a day-to-day basis. In fact I find it is often necessary to stimulate my creative state. Music has provided a synthetic state of euphoria for me all of my life. You might compare it to a mild high. Exploring my memories I have found it funny how I attach myself to certain music for different reason. 


    Perhaps one of my favorite Musicals is Sweeney Todd. Shocking right? I quite enjoy singly this song loudly and off key in public

Sweeny todd -Epiphany

"The lives of the wicked should be made brief

For the rest of us death will be a relief
We all deserve to die."

My favorite band has always been matchbook romance even though they are no longer together. At first they were sophomoric at best and i was almost embarrassed to introduce it to my friends. they progressed into something beautiful, Still I love every bit of them...

Matchbook Romance - My mannequin can dance

"you can have the kingdom, you can have the crown,
but you won't have the people.
no, we'll see you down."

I became very attached to this song  due to an emotive dance. A contemporary piece on So you think you can dance... 

Dancing- Elisa  
"So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong"

Pink Floyd moves nearly everybody, there is nothing new for me to say about them.....
Pink floyd -Brain damage
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'till I'm sane




Thats was fun. 

I am awake... with random musings.

Actually I have been awake since around 5 am. I got a solid 4 maybe 4 1/2 hours of sleep. Some nights, thats really all I need. Most people my age enjoy staying up late. I do too for the most part, but I really love waking up obnoxiously early. 4 am seems to be my favorite time of the night (or morning if you prefer). Around that time is when night mixes in with morning and it feels like I am alive in the energy around me. I suppose I truly am a gypsy.  Damn crazy stick lady.


I can't express how much I really love Deviantart. I have recently tried to do some mixed media emotive pieces. It is quite refreshing to not care so much about proper proportion. Though putting art on deviant art is like dropping a message bottle in the ocean.  It can be seen by many at one moment and disappear into the depths the next.  Though for that moment my fellow deviants find it and favorite, scrutinize, or disregard it. It makes me happy to be part of such a community, even if I am an amateur artist with professional tools.
Check me out: http://bear-stitches.deviantart.com/


I have been keeping myself busy. Just this morning I finished another chapter of my novel. It is taking shape quite nicely. In fact i find mysefl talking out loud as the characters to ensure the validity of the dialogue. Its helps tremendously and it add to my crazy factor. Which is always a plus. I have to be cautious. I cant get burnt out on writing. Two blogs and a novel could be a lot to keep a float but I do have plenty of time. Two of the three projects require research. Surprisingly I rather enjoy research.


I spent an hour meditating this morning. It didn't feel like an hour, meditating tends to time-warp me forward without my consent. Visiting my own ethereal plane is intoxicating. It is where my creative soul resides and retreats when necessary. I hope to live in the altered state of consciousness someday, continually bathed in white light. Again I feel balanced.

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

Oscar Wilde

I heart gauche

Playing with watercolors....

Journey...

I have recently chosen to take charge of my spiritual path. I started another blog called Gypsy Magic that will be a Journal or digital book of shadows. Though no one will see my actual book of shadows, unless they are close to me. That is probably the only traditional element i add to my life's path. There is some comfort in tradition.

Doing this has told me a few things:

1. I  feel the need to be enlightened further in my life.

2. I hope that people will seek me out and we can all be in the same boat together. Somewhere in between new and adept.

3 I have far to much time on my hands.

A chunk of my religious library that I am forever adding to.

Any which way you slice it I am doing this to better myself. It has fit well into my transformational regime. I plan to study everything in my religious library. This includes my confirmation bible, which i haven't picked up since the eighth grade, and bhagavad-gita as it is. Which, if memory suits me, deals with the Hindu religion. I could be wrong but frankly i don't want to go  pick it up.







I have spent nearly and hour on my bike today and about 30 minutes on my exercise ball. I have been spending around an hour on my bike everyday. Its actually quite relaxing to read and ride until I work up a good sweat. I have also started eating 6 small meals a day. 3 400 calorie meals 2 100 calorie meals and a 50 cal snack. This is much more than I normally eat in a day but it has definitely kept my energy up. I just need to remember to eat lunch because shoving a bigger meal in before bed just doesn't work out well. I don't restrict myself, just portion. Surprisingly it hasn't been too difficult due to my lack of appetite issues.

I have just finished my About me page in my Gypsy magic blog and now i intend to go read another chapter of Nocturnal Magic.

Society attacks early, when the individual is helpless.

B. F. Skinner 

Upstairs....

I love walking up my stairs. Ascending to my bedroom, art room, glider room etc...the upstairs is almost entirely mine. We are painting the art room this summer and hopefully replacing the windows. Its a bit too cold for me to work in right now. I'm a wuss and i like to wear tank tops which doesn't work so well in a chilly art room. The room is going to art out as a stark white with one lime green wall and one alcove will be all chalkboard or dry erase board.
I would like to put wood (or wood substitute) down in the glider room. It would be so much easier to clean. Not to mention that room will turn into a nursery when we are ready. Ive always wanted a nursery with a hand painted mural and wood floors.
The reason i truly love climbing the stairs is my animals. Three dogs wait patiently behind me. An old dog escorts me to the steps but goes no further because of his hips. Two small dogs wait for the signal that they can come bounding up after mom. The kitten waits between the rungs of the banister and reaches out to touch noses with me. Two ferrets in the hall way alcove stick noses out of the cage to touch my hand as I walk by. And at night gliders bark happy barks and rush to the front of the cage.
Its a great feeling.
I cant wait to have puppies but Ive resigned to setting up shop so my out building looks professional before I breed. The building is already a great size. Independently  heated, well insulated, and it looks like a little shop. Im not a fan of the garage door but if i connect it to a dog run then it wont look bad, It will have a function. I almost have all the means to have a small grooming shop out there. I have the storage, space, ventilation,  and tables all ready to go. i would really just need a tub and a forced air dryer. I still have and  maintain all of my professional tools.  I could always groom farm dogs and pets on the cheap in between breedings.
Hopefully I can apprentice an aggressive dog trainer... or rather a trainer who specializes in bite train, guarding and protection.
 I am tired.... Off i got to ride and read...

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Viktor E. Frankl 

Rave party photo dump...

 I hate the way i look in most of these pictures... when I drink I tend to bring my chin towards my chest and create the illusion that I have 4 chins.... Ive lost 10 pounds all together... I cant really let these get me down... here we go...