Funny isn't it...

I look absolutely terrible in this photo. Pale skin, black hair and salt water does not make for a good photo op. Still, it is my favorite photo of Rob and I. It captured a moment of trancendent happiness. One of many from that trip...

Ocean City changed everything. We changed everything.  It was the rebirth of my marriage... and it was beautiful. I can't begin to explain what happened. I was supposed to be going to a convention. I apologize for not spending the time with my closest friends, but I know they understand the effect the ocean had on my life and my marrriage. I have my priorities in order.

I love Ocean City. <3.

If there is love in your heart, you emit loving energy out into the world. It is the circular nature of things.
 

Nap time buddy

Geeked ^___^

Rx

Sitting in a doctors office. Ugh, story of my life. At least this time it isn't for me or Rob.   Grammies routine eye stabbing. I don't care for the medical procedure to be explained. She has glaucoma, enough said.

I feel like a good chunk of my adult life has been spent in hospitals. We should have a frequent flyer card at this rate. Even  after all the reality has been shoved down our throats, i forget ny husband is disabled. Technically.   Its hard to keep that in mind when he is functional for so long.
After all this its hard for me to focus on most things that would be "extra" in our lives. You need a sense of normalcy before you can pursue the extraordinary. This is hard for so many to understand because its easy for them to get out of bed. The simple routine of life is not so simple for someone with seizures.  I get so frustrated when people give rob a hard time about anything. He is almost done with his first degree and works full time.
Same with me, rob started having seizures in '07. It wasn't until recently that we got it under control. I wish that people would stop taking that for granted. It was and is very hard.
Frankly i would love to see other people deal with all of it and still feel like its no big deal.

This must be whats wrong with me (take 3)

I honestly don't remember , or care to research, how old I was when I first played this game. American McGee's Alice was probably one of my favorite self discoveries. I remember being attracted to this game all on my own. I liked the cover, the dark colors contrasted with blood red. Nothing else on the shelf existed.
  Of course the game is an adaptation of Lewis Carroll's  Alice in Wonderland. Its not too illogical of a leap really. Wonderland is in Alice's mind. What happens if Alice goes completely off the deep end? I suppose wonderland would go off the deep end as well.
    Maybe it is a bit of a stretch... wonderland is a bit crazy after all.

I had to be at least 13 when I got into this game. I actually recognized the occult symbols on her dress. I don't really know how I should feel about having that knowledge at thirteen. Maybe thats what else is wrong with me.

Anyways I am about to replay the game and its sequel. I didn't realize until recently there even was a sequel.

   >geeked<

Babies, babies, babies...

Bird!  Rob found a baby bird abandoned in our yard. Maybe more violently orphaned by a barn cat, than abandoned, but you get the point. Its young, still lacking all of its flight feathers and feathers covering its neck and head. Its nice to hear bird noises again, even if it is only temporary.

My suggies have about 4 weeks till they can go home.  I have some people interested, but I'm not sure they fully understand that this is more than an expensive hamster. I may go through a more established breeder this time, to find experienced owners. Or at least someone who knows what they are talking about.



OK this is just fun and mildly disturbing. I love pictures where i look like an alien. I have more cutesy flattering ones with the babies, but I felt like this was more appropriate.

Magic water...

I've been asked a lot about whether or not I'm going to have my baby baptized.

First things first. I was raised catholic therefore I am no longer a catholic. Trust me If you were raised catholic you would understand. I have been baptized, held first communion, and was confirmed in the catholic faith. Why? Because I didn't have a choice. I'm sure If i had competent Sunday school teachers I might have kept that faith a little closer to my heart but the close minded harshness of most catholics never ceases to amaze me.

As a first attempt to ingrain good catholic morals we were held by a strange man, whom we have never met before, and dunked into magic water. As if some ceremonial bath forced upon us would remove original sin from the most innocent stage we will ever be part of. I get it I do. Every religion has ceremony and dedication, but most of them are a coherent admission of faith by the follower. Where-in catholic ideals make us force faith onto an unsuspecting child. Still that isn't enough.

Later on in life, when we are just beginning to establish our own identity away from our parents, we have an other right of passage. For a few years we had waited in line at church being repeatedly denied snack time in the middle of mass. I remember following my mother faithfully (while my father sat in the pew) mimicking everyone else's hand gestures in the way a child does. As I sat through the classes, I remember thinking I would receive some magical feeling of holiness once I took first communion. I couldn't wait.

The result was disappointing. After all what first grader really comprehends an omnipresent god or wants to ingest him? 

Then after more years of torture-some catechism, our faith is tested. Literally. Before being confirmed in the catholic faith I was forced to spend 8 hours locked up with a large group of peers I didn't get along with. Not because of faith, because of school district. In our incarceration we were forced to play faith games that made no sense, create plays, and take a test. Quite seriously a pen and paper test about catholicism . I have no idea how I passed.

After a long ceremony, my family threw me a party. Where my dad played appropriate music such as "you'll never make a saint of me". I get my cynicism from him.

Not only did I affirm my faith, I did it three times. Does it count? No. I was forced to, as most of the children in my class. It really is a vicious cycle. I was forced to because my mother was forced to. If Mom didn't send her children through the process she would never hear the end of it from my grandma. Catholicism seems like a very long line of forced tradition. Stand, sit, kneel, shut up, repeat.

Now will I have my daughter baptized? Probably, but not because anyone is forcing me to and she certainly wont be baptized in a catholic church. Despite all of my religious cynicism I still strive to have a relationship with God. I want my daughter to have an educated start in her religious pursuits.Maybe baptism will be a start in religious education. Do i think the water is magic? No, but I do think it will help her to be accepted into most religious communities. Sometimes acceptance makes everything that much easier.

Maybe its more for us then her.  Maybe thats the way it has always been.