Devious little bean

I am on my 8th week today, by my calculations at least. I go to my first Ob appt on Wednesday, and lets face it I'm nervous.
I'm going alone, unless the snowstorm sticks and Rob gets to come home early to take me. Luckily his job will let him leave to take me to important appointments, his boss is all about family first. Thank god
These hormones are making me grumpy and emotional. Weepy even. Everything, including my doctor, tells me thats absolutely normal.
I read a post today that said "being pregnant is no right to be mean". I would have thought this too before i got pregnant. I have a temper anyways so being pregnant isn't helping the anger towards utter stupidity. There is no specific point of stupidity, honest. Everything is stupid. Only at 8 weeks and I feel like this.
I'm praying that what they say is true and the second trimester is easier. Its the body's way of giving you a break before all of the pain and stretching. Aren't I a ball of sunshine today?
Though in the end It will all be worth it, for a new lifelong adventure.

8 weeks size of a lima bean!

Spacey

I have been a little bit more than spacey lately. My mood is taking drastic turns and twists for no particulars reason. Sometimes i just hide. I'm not quite sure most people understand how crazy i truly am. By no means do i mean crazy in the sense that I should be feared. Sometimes I snap and sometimes I disappear.
Pregnancy is making my crazy surface hardcore.

Alien in me

7 weeks ( even though its only 6 weeks and a few days). Size of a blueberry!

Crazy eyes

He has been a cuddle slut ever since I found out I was pregnant.

Open wide...

Not to long ago I decided to open myself back up to the world. Not that I've been entirely closed off, but I was a hermit for a while. I can't deny that. I needed to get myself in order.

I had made a conscious decision to open myself back up to everything. I needed to remove blockades and walls in order to let everything come crashing in. Truthfully I was expecting to be drowning in a sea of mixed emotions. I had prepared myself for the worst.

Nothing terrible happened.

In fact I connected and re-connected with a few people. Not to mention I opened myself up to more positive energy flow and a generally happy disposition. It is a very calming state to be in. I think this mild euphoria helped me get pregnant.

It was a good reminder that sometimes we put a heavy tag on situations and everyday instances that don't deserve so much negative attention.

Practicing the craft again is probably one of the best decisions that came from this change. I have a lot of energy that needs to be redirected and some of it already has. It is very easy for a person to forget to live their life.

Its nice to see my workings are well... working.

We have the best friends!

This must be whats wrong with me part 2

For as long as I can remember I have always been around video games. Whether it was watching my parents play countless hours of Dr. Mario or playing the Sega and Super nintendo (with the genie on occasion) at my babysitters.

The first violent game I ever played was Mortal Combat. I have to say, over the years most games loose their violent standings because somethings more gruesome comes out but Mortal Combat stands the test of time. Even bloody pixels can be gruesome.

As my dad got more and more into gaming and PCs the games became more and more violent. I am more like my dad then I will ever admit to myself so I know his choices shaped my gaming style, not to mention may have warped me a bit. I dont tend to remember things chronologically but the first disturbing game I remember playing was Half-life. I'm sure in some child like wonder I wanted to do what daddy was doing and asked him if I could play. Since I was a fairly balanced happy child my parents let me play and watch some odd things in moderation. He even taught me how to play, we were bonding.

Truthfully its been so long I barely remember the premise. I do remember That Dr. Robert Freeman is sent to black mesa, an underground research facility, to work only to find all hell has broken loose. Hats off to the team that program the head eating crabs. Those little parasites made me jump every time the jumped from off screen. I was young, give me a break.

I had played DOOM and Wolfenstein before this, in all their 8 floppy disc glory, but they weren't nearly as disturbing as half life. 

Once we latched onto this bonding point Dad began to bring home other games we could play. One day we sat for hours in a LAN  frag match on the original Unreal tournament. Which is still my favorite game. For some reason I am Bad Ass on the PC and not so much on a console. At least last time I checked, which was sophomore year.

I do have an adept learning curve for these things. I had played Uncharted 2 with a good friend and sucked the first two rounds. I quickly rose to match him in less than 5 rounds total.

Probably the worst game for a child to play in her youth was Duke Nukem and I played it till the cows came home. This was a game with strippers, drunks, aliens, shit, and loud curse words. Of course in those days parental locks didn't have passwords so it was easy enough flip a switch to hear vulgar language and pay strippers to dance.


It was a disgusting game. Thankfully I actually grew out of that one. I still have some nostalgic attachments to most game I played with my father. AS a matter of fact I play them through quite often. Now my 5 year old  niece sits on grandpas lap and plays half life 2, or as she has dubbed it "scary guy game".