[insert hippie style here song title here]

In 2 weeks our lives have change drastically. Then again that always seems to be the way we do things... fast and without warning.

1. We moved. Closer to my family. WE moved into something that's ours, not going to be ours or promised to us, out right ours. Forgive me I'm not good at sharing, and we wasted so much time trying to help someone who didnt want help. (though she desperately needed it).

2. Husband  got his first out-of-college career at a type job! Its at a hospital 10 minutes from our new home no less.

3. Little one, whom we have been calling panda,  has gotten her first teeth. Yes, i mean teeth. Two bottom teeth at once. Which explains my grumpy panda.

4. I've actually been completing projects for my esty store. A mask, some collage work, prints, up-cycled things and mosaics.
5. I joined weight watchers. Its time. I hate my postpartum body. I've always been a big girl, but now its time to be healthy. Time to break the cycle

Now we prepare for more changes. The more and more life I see the more I want to change mine. The husband and I have made some plans, plans to move in a southerly direction in the next two years. All depending on health fiances and a bit of cosmic faith.

Wish us luck and sunshine.

Home Stead

Ive been spending mounds of time searching for reusing and up-cycling pretty much anything.

We just moved and the mounds of cardboard boxes were overwhelming. While we are provided very large recycling bins to be taken with our weekly rubbish, it just doesn't seem like enough.

 Yes, I am that type of person. A mildly hypocritical hippie. Whats it called? Semi-crunchy?
 Whatever, not the point.

I recently spent the day at a ikea store about an hour away with my sister. While we were driving through canton my sister pointed out a giant hill maybe a small mountain. Our patch of earth does not have hills AT ALL.

" That is not a place the glacier missed, its a landfill" She began to point out how well manicured and built up the surrounding community was. We spent time tossing around the fact that these people were so conditioned to this mountain of garbage being right in their back yard. She seemed appalled that it was normal (which is appalling) but I was more affected by the shear size of the thing.

Feeling so small against a natural wonder is one thing, but feeling small at the base of a mountain of garbage is frightening. Its sick. How can we produce so much waste? How can we roll around in our own garbage? How are people so oblivious? I was aware, but this was a smack in the face.

I have focus nearly all of my artistic efforts to up-cycling my recyclable waste into art. Formula containers, plastic bags, newspaper, tin cans, pop cans, and every little bit I can get my hands on I am keeping.

!

Life, today, as I know it

Baby,
Wife,
Cleaning,
Caffeine,
Cleaning,
Serotonin,
Art,
Art,
Baby,
Baby,
Wife,
Packing,
Pacifier,
eBay,
Paint,
Paint,
Mother,
Wine,
Whiskey,
Rum,
Sleep,
Packing,
Sex,
Moving,
Lonely,
Baby,
Smiles,
Giggles,
Cries,
Sleep,
Family,
Peace.

New year

I've been drinking vintage whiskey from an antique king kong... not even kidding. Its a mild celebration of the renewal of my existence. 24 doesn't feel that significant but it is a new year after all... oh the places we can go.

My birthday always renew my love/hate relationship with Facebook. 30-50 odd people whom you've barely ever spoken to, or have never spoken to at all, are suddenly casting warm birthday wishes your way.  Bite me.

I may be drunk, but lets not let that get in the way.

I cried today. I cried because I couldn't fix my friends problems... I cried because I can't move in the blink of an eye, because I cant lift the heaviness. I want to so badly. I fantasize about winning money, and how I would buy my friends houses, cars, and pay off their tuition. Sometimes I search my heart, my existence for something to say. I want some zen-like piece of knowledge to make sense out of  everything. Not for me, but for you. When i can't find it, I hide either behind a set of words that express true love but utter confusion... or just in totality.

I am that person who just desperately wants to make everything better.

I hate the fact that I need a mood altering substance to create a viable pathway between my emotions and my brain. My circuit board is a little screwy.

Often I stop myself from truly venting here, my blog, my space to say what I want. Why? because of some prying little weasels that I truly do not want privy to my insights my thoughts my passions and my troubles. Why do they deserve to hear whats really rattling around in my brain? I dont care anymore... have at it.

Knowing what I know just enhances my willingness to become blunt. Fuck off
Grind salt into the wound for all I care.

Do not mistake any of this nonsense for a off handed warning sign. I have not contracted a morbid sense of self, rather I have been rewarded with the knowledge of mortality. A sense of urgent participation in life's games that I may not have added my mark to.

After all, I may be drunk.

cohesion

I always wanted to promote my writings, my blogs, my arts and what not. I know how, I do have some time to do it, but all in all I never really get to it.

Why? Because I can't force myself to commit. I am a mom, a new mom. And yet this sure as hell isn't a mommy blog even if I do blog about L every now and again. I am an artist, but I can't post tons of pictures of my works because they are so random. A bit hard to follow... like everything I do.
Life isn't all about one thing. My life includes being a mom, an artist, a wife, a gamer, a friend, a crafter, a raving lunatic and so much more.

I want to create an Esty store, but again I can't commit. I jump around so frequently. My store would be filled with weird and classic knits, funky art prints, handmade baby toys, and other curiosities. All in all there would be no cohesion. The style and theme would range from obnoxiously cute to disturbingly morbid. Maybe I could create my own brand of random.

I have so many goo ideas. Especially now that I am experiencing this existential transformation. Out of nowhere these images and ideas (good and bad) pop into my head and I go rushing to my sketchbook like a madwoman to scribble out a rough interpretation with notes and suggestions. I scour random references which spark more Ideas and more incomprehensible scribbling.

I've sold things I've made in the past. Half a dozen dead fish hats... bags... dreads and a few other things. I made a decent profit.

I should just do it.

Uninhibited

... thats exactly how I feel, uninhibited. Dear god what a beautiful feeling.

I've been up and down and up and down.... Now is seems there is no such thing as up, no such thing as down. Not for me at least. I am beginning to understand myself, my journey and my world.

I've been trying things... all kinds of things. Penny auctions, sweepstakes, painting, writing, ... Ive been reading things Id never read, watching shows Id never give a chance just because I can.

I hung a brightly colored noose on my wall, and I think its hilarious. I may make more... I wish I could explain it... I have the words buts its not the time.

I have been fasting. Another new venture.  Just one day a week... with this special drink designed to keep your body in tact... not starving it. Its a practice in will power as much as it is a physical detox. I fast the day after we get groceries. I meditate while L sleeps. Fasting forces me to concentrate elsewhere, and keep myself so bust as to forget about food.

I am very lost yest very in love.