Monday, September 26, 2011

Labor and Delivery: continued.

I woke up on Day two feeling no different than day one. I was still confined to my bed... only allowed to get up to change my dressing, and only with excessive assistance.

I asked the nurse at every visit when i could get "unhooked" from everything, when I could get up on my own. Luckily since I was moving exceptionally well and voluntarily switched off my morphine to percocet I was able to do so fairly quickly. 

I took a shower, I got to put on my own clothes, and I got to walk around with my baby girl. 

Things were instantly better, though I felt a bit cheated out of full involvement in her first day with us.
I quickly got over the guilty feeling being so unaware that first day. 

It was hard to get in and out of bed. I still depended on Rob for most things.The nurses had to keep reminding me that I just had major surgery, that I needed to stay ahead of the pain. I fought off taking pain meds till the last minute. They made me tired, sometimes too tired. 

I got up in the middle of the night just to watch her, to carry her, to touch her. It was amazing. 

Over the next few days I struggled to nurse with the help of an over-zealous lactation consultant.She was no help. 

She was so good in the hospital, she had such a quiet cry. It seemed like we couldn't go more than an hour without one of us remarking about how lucky we were. I felt like it wasn't real, I couldn't have something this good. I felt like someone was going to take her back. "Just kidding". Like every minute past the raising of the curtain in the OR was a sick slight of hand. 

It's real. We were told that we may never have children but here she is. She is perfect. 

She has been easy on us thus far. She is a good sleeper, a good eater, and so very alert. She has since found her lungs but doesnt use them to the full extent all too often. Sweet little girl. 

I am feeling better, but I am still on meds. I wont be 100% for a while. They say I wont be completely put back together for about another 4 weeks, but each day is better than the last. Today is especially better seeing as I got my god awefull staples out. I've lost nearly 20 pounds since delivery. Not intentionally, in fact I lost 9 pounds in three days and it freaked me out a bit. The meds kill my appetite.

Miss Lyla is up 5oz from her last visit. Happy, healthy baby. Life is pretty great.

How much of a life is wasted in waiting? 

Early morning edits....

I had some quiet time this morning so I did some quick edits of little bit. 
They need some work but I still love em. 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Labor and Delivery day 1

Throughout my pregnancy I read lots of birth stories. I honestly did not read ANY about cesarean births, I'm not sure if it is because there isn't a whole lot of c-section birth stories out there or if I just wasn't looking. Either way I decided to post a detailed description of my 4 days in the maternity ward.

 Labor and Delivery Day 1:

I barely slept that night, the night before my scheduled c-section. I'm not sure if it was anticipation or  from my chronic pelvic pain. Either way I woke up nearly every hour before i actually intended to. 4 AM came around eventually and It took me no time to pull everything i needed together seeing as i had spent the last 3 months packing and re-pacing my hospital bags.

My husband and I were supposed to be at the hospital at 5am but we ended up being nearly half an hour early. I stood in the parking lot in the cold air , staring at the third floor. Staring at Labor and delivery. I was terrified.

Eventually we made it up to the third floor and began the process.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


I find we, as greedy filthy humans, often get caught up in the things we don't have or can't do. We are reminded daily of what we do have, will you acknowledge the positive?
  I have an amazing support system. My family supports me in everything I do. I am really very lucky to have such a functional family, It truly affected my development in a positive way. My friends are amazing. Not only would my friends still defend me if I was wrong, they would most likely logic their way into making you wrong instead of me... and they'd make you belive it too. I am blessed to have these things so readily available to me, so much so I forget to sccess them sometimes.
  I have an amazingly compassionate husband. He thinks I am super woman. He really believes I am amazing at everything. I am not, but its definately an encouragement to live up to those thoughts. He does everything for me, and his little girl. His drive is so inspiring.
  I have done and expierenced some things that most people will never expierence.
  I am truly grateful for the things I have and the things I have coming.
My family has had its fair share of hurdles, bad and worse, but I wouldn't trade this for the world right now.
We have come so far. Through the seizures and the sickness, the recovery and the seperation to the beach and the tears of joy, the little girl and the old country house.
Life is still a challenge, and that's ok. Nothing worth having comes easy.


Thursday, September 8, 2011


Hindu elephant god. The god invoked at the beginning of every hindu ritual.
He represents conquering obstacles and change.

I hope to perfect my drawing into a tattoo worthy color depiction with pink lotus blossoms and maybe a circlular design.  

I'm getting ahead of myself but drawing is about the only thing that doesn't make me tired.

7 days and counting until I meet my little girl.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Expiration date

Early last week I spent around 6 hours in the maternity ward.
I had gone in for a routine ultrasound and was immediately sent to the hospital. Low amniotic fluid levels.

The nusre kindly asked me, as she was hooking me up to all the monitors, "your not panicing are you?" I was. I didn't say that I was, but who wouldn't be? I'm being told something coud be desperately wrong. Panicing.

Hours went by and the nuses kept telling me that my baby was the most active on the floor, perfect on the monitors. So, why am I here?

Waiting, waiting to hear from the doctor. That's why.

Close to hour 5 I had yet another ultrasound. The little one kept kicking the monitor and wand. That's my girl.

Soon after, with little knowledge, I was released. After 6 hours of hearing I may have to have my possible 5lb 14oz baby by emergency c section I was released with no restrictions.

Both scans were wrong. Her womb wading pool has enough fluid. She is just fine.

Of course she is still breech.  So they have put an expiration date on my pregnancy.