Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Pin up motivation

If I truly do lose all of this weight. I am just going to dress up like a pin up girl for the rest of my life. 
So here is my mid-morning motivation. 
When i hit that last goal I think I'm going to convince my brilliant artist friend to take a pin-up photo set of me. 

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Tomorrow I get cortisone injections in my back and hips. Something different for my pain. Finally.
The doctor predicts it will take away my pain for 6 months to a year and I can work on muscle building.

I am simultaneously excited and terrified.

Google has got to be the worst thing when you are nervous about a medical procedure. All of the over-dramatic over embellished horror stories posted on forums are the devil. A friend of mine has them once  a year  in the same spots i will have them done. There is a good chance it will increase my pain for 24-48 hours before it takes it all away.

So today I've spent the day deep cleaning the house and sanitizing toys. I've over cleaned everything so I dont have to do anything for a few days. Steam cleaned the entire kitchen and bathroom top to bottom. I mean hand and knees steaming the floors and scrubbing.

I've lined up sets of kitschy movies to watch and a few volumes of my favorite manga, Dogs: Bullets and Carnage. My only job is to take care of my wonderful little girl

'till next time loves. 

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Weighing In

This point in my weight loss sucks. Ive been here before. Exactly this weight, teetering on the edge of a breakthrough but never quite getting there.

I hate it. This time I was looking for something to break the cycle.So I was going to cleanse and reset  body.

Then I tried to chop my finger off while cutting up fruit for the baby. I got 1 1/2 days of fasting in before I did this. I bled through two paper towels and a band-aid waiting for my husband to come home to inspect my new wound. A little bit lower and I wold have needed stitches. A little bit higher and I would have taken the tip of my finger off. Brilliant.

 By the time he got home (10 minutes later) I was nauseous, shaking and feeling faint. The beginning stages of shock. He quickly forced apple juice down me while he cleaned and glued my wound together.Then after informing me I need real calories (and not weird syrup water) he made dinner. .

There ended my fast.

At this point in my journey I always get stuck and always convince myself to love me as I am physically. Its hard not to. I got married at this weight, conceived a child at this weight. I was all together loved regardless of my weight. I never really had self image issues (until after my c-sec) and I always felt comfortable in my body. Losing weight wasn't really a big deal. I loved me. I still love me.

Now as I'm growing as a person I feel like this shape doesn't fit the aesthetic Im yearning for. I am not striving for skinny I am striving for me, the way I envision myself looking.

Now the fast is out of the question for at least a week, Ill have to find some other way to break the cycle. 

My pants won't stay up :)

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Fast suspended.

Because I sliced my finger so deeply I lost a lot of blood.

Hubs glued me back together and covered it all up but I was then required (by his own medical advice) to eat real calories not lemon syrup water.

If it weren't for Hubs I probably would have needed stitches. I lost enough blood to go into the beginning stages of shock.

I am still nauseous.

So cleansing is not an option anymore. My body needs nutrition and not a flush in order to keep infection away.
Husband was very clear about all of this. Oh well.

Till next time, loves.

Here I am today, musically speaking.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Today I cleanse...

Day 1-

today I've started the master cleanse. A detoxifying regiment for 10 days (I hope). Its based around an organic concoction of maple syrup, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper mixed in about 60 oz of water. It sounds disgusting but its really not that bad. The recipie is here.

Ive been building up to a 10 day cleanse. It is recommended to start small especially when your not in peak physical condition. Being a rather round person when I began I started with 1 day, then 3 days, then 5. Now im trying to conquer 10 days. No food just water and a spicy maple drink. (I'm making it sound so appetizing, aren't I?)

I've put the scale away because this is a body reset and not a weight loss endeavor. True I will most likely lose weight during but I am not to concerned with that part of my journey.

I dont feel crazy yet. 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Someone who hates you normally hates you for one of three reasons.
They see you as a threat.
They hate themselves.
Or they want to be you.

Hate is unnecessary.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Friday, May 11, 2012

I love my life...

but it can be exhausting.

So next week I fast. I have been doing The Master Cleanse a few times in the past year. Especially after I find myself having to eat more processed foods than I like. I try to buy organic, eat organic, and feed my family healthy whole foods. Every now and then we get busy and eat more fast food  and junk food than normal. It takes quite a toll on me physically and spiritually.

So I cleanse and while I cleanse I meditate. I clear my body of unwanted toxins and free my mind to explore the things I have come to know in the past year. It is so very freeing.

It takes a lot of dedication to complete a 7-10 cleanse. It is rather rewarding in the end. A clear mind, in creased energy and an overall sense of well being and accomplishment. I don't do it for weight-loss purposes even though it does help. I do it to reset my  body and soul when I fall off track. After the reset I resume healthy eating and what exercises I can preform to jump back on my weight-loss track.

I'll be blogging about my cleanse from day one, How I feel. What I've come to realize. My spiritual realizations, and probably how crazy i may feel at certain points of the day. 

Thursday, May 10, 2012


Random guy gives me ego boost. ^__^ Go follow @ultrapunch !!! much love.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

24 things about me...

this my 300th post and my 24th year had had some major significance in my life so far...

So 24 things about me...

24. I am completely addicted to modcloth, shopruche, and shabby apple clothes, especially now that I am losing weight.

23. I often wear the same shirt, pants, or outfit a few times a week because I like how it makes me look and feel.

22. I rarely feel sexy unless I'm showing some cleavage.

12. I am dyslexic

20. I believe in spiritual healing and magic.

19. I also love science.

18. I can feel and push energy around in the universe.

17. Being a mom is the scariest thing I have ever done.

16. I am terrified of heights.

15. I will vehemently hold a grudge until I get an apology, the truth, or closure.

14. I enjoy rebellious submission but only when its appropriate and only with someone who knows how to play the game correctly.

13. I don't make friends easily because I have alot of experience with worthless ones.

12. We are planning on moving to Florida next Feb/march

11. I curse too much.

10. My main goal as a parent is to make my daughter feel comfortable in her own skin

9. I miss working but I don't miss people.

8. I will try anything once, just to get the experience.

7. I have little to nothing in common with my siblings but I still love them dearly.

6. If I won the lottery Id give at least half of it away to friends, family, and a random stranger.

5. I will forgive anything if the offender is truly sorry.

4. I drink way to much caffeine.

3. I hate all of my art work for the first 6 months of  its existence.

2.I feel incredibly guilty about going to Tampa alone even though it was my husbands Idea.

1. I am and always have been a caretaker of souls.


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Saturday, May 5, 2012


So I've been going back and forth to the doctors lately to figure out what's wrong with my hips and back. Every doctor looks at me like I'm crazy, does an X-ray and finds nothing.

This time they found something. I've been walking around with few fractured vertebrae. That's not the cause of my ten year affliction but it is something.

Nothing makes you feel more like a badass than treating a fractured spine like a bruise. My tolerance for pain is awesome.

Annnd I have every right to fall on the floor and yell "My spine!"

Related news: I hate MRIs. I experienced my first MRI yesterday. Sitting still physically hurts my hips and back so that didn't help. I now understand what it would be like to be buried alive, underneath a night club. Ugh.

Unrelated news; I booked my flight to Tampa. My friend from LA is coming in the same weekend. I see a big bottle of 1800 in our future. I am so damn excited.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Florida Bound


I just booked my flight to Tampa. I am so excited, its just a weekend trip but it been nearly 8 months since I've seen my best friends. Im sad my husband can't come... but soon enough we will take our own vacation.

I am going to get a baby free weekend. No diapers, no cryingl, no spit up. It's going to be hard to leave her but I NEED a vacation.

I wish I could thoroughly explain why a SAHM to one desperately needs a vacation. Its mostly because we have had alot of crap happen in the past few years. Its because my husband is epileptic, my fraternal in-laws are awful people, and my friends are scattered throughout the country.

 My husband is following his dream he is in the medical field and continuing his education. And to thank me for all of my support and help he is giving me a real weekend off. I love that man.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Mini garden.

Have you seen some of these mini container fairy gardens? They are pretty awesome. I'm thinking u should start one.

I did get a mini fairy plant on my last outing. :)