Monday, April 30, 2012

Weekend: Wonderful

This weekend was AWESOME.

On Friday Hubs surprised me with club level seats right behind 1st base at a local Mudhens game.It was cold but so worth it. Great seats, and a bit terrifying.  Love these little spontaneous dates he organizes.

Saturday We visited my mom. WE walked around Oak Park, bought some fun little plants and the visited my uncle gary's garden. A garden which contains 527 different species of hostas. Just different hostas. His garden is beautiful and a bit ridiculous. Mostly awesome.

Sunday my sister, Mom, Niece, and I all took a pilgrimage up to Ikea. Its becoming an obsession this store. This store is like a  home goods Mecca.

I've officially lost 40lbs.

Best of all I finally confirmed a visit to Florida. I have to fly solo because hubs can't get time off work. I've flown before, roughly 6-7 times. Never flown alone. Annnnd I'm afraid of heights.

Bring it on.

Saturday, April 28, 2012


It's been a long fun day. Oak park with my mom and uncle, a garden walk, time with grandma, and some new plants.

Ikea tomorrow with my mom, sister, and niece.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Thursday, April 26, 2012

A sketch a day 1-4

I'm a day behind 0.o
Need to do another one today.

Subconscious Inspiration

Yesterday I truly realized that a lot of my artistic inspiration comes from subconscious observations.

My awesome little gnome brought all of this about. I was watching some DVR recordings of The Big Bang Theory. During The Friendship Algorithm Episode I began to draw the little guy. I don't have a particular fascination with gnomes, in fact this is the first rendering I've ever done of a gnome. Though happy little fantasy characters are not far from my wheelhouse so I didn't think much of it.

 Later when my husband was watching the same episode I noticed a book in the background (of a bookstore scene no less) with the front and back views of a gnome that look suspiciously like my gnome. I had begun drawing after that scene.
Can you find the gnome book?

It is incredibly indicative of me to notice what is in the background rather than the subject matter at hand.

It truly is a great breakthrough for me. A forward momentum with my art. A realization that I may need to let inspiration come to me. Trust myself.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Day 5- style and medication

Today is day 5 of my bout with anti-depressants.

I hate to admit it, but they are helping. It is cumulative so I wont know the full effects for a bit, but I do notice increases in my energy and an uplifted mood.

 The cloud of apathy has lifted. Its nice when the air is clear.

Everyone needs a little help every now and then. I have been strong enough to hold my little family up in crisis. We've decided its my turn to find myself, find my art, my style, and pursue my dreams. Luckily enough for me and my husband some of our dreams coincide and the bigger dreams  fit nicely together. One doesn't conflict with the other. A beautiful luxury to hold.

A few things I've discovered about myself:
    My style has changed drastically. I'll still consider it alternative.  Something like a vintage retro rockabilly hippie chick. More Modcloth and less Hot Topic.

More this:

Less This:

I still enjoy  Hot Topic. I still enjoy the look of tattoos and gauged ears, but it seems I may have grown in a different alternative direction. I no longer have the desire for facial piercings because it would inhibit my ability to change styles everyday. I am in love with versatile pieces, pieces that can transcend style genres. 

I'm feeling more Sephora than Cover girl, more Rockabilly than punk rock, and more rebellious beauty than angry teen angst. 

Its hard to put down exactly how my style will progress and even if I could put it into words and pictures you would still take your own ideals and inferences along with it because I can't yet show you the big picture. 

Monday, April 23, 2012

In the land of toys...


I have always consciously tried to achieve balance in my life.
Sometimes I need help, and as of late that help included pharmaceutical intervention. I put it off for as long as I could.
For now we will call it postpartum  depression. My mood swings were out of control.  Life is good, I really had no reason to be sad. So drugs it is.

I am currently on day 4 of  celexa. The drugs are cumulative so I wont notice any effects for close to another week. I have no appetite which clears up the worry that anti-depressants would slow down my weight-loss.

I'm still struggling with the thought of anti-depressants. I dont like the idea of needing a pill to make me feel human. I should be able to adjust my own attitude. On the other hand I have never before been this down for this long before, I have always been able to pick myself up.

We will see.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Look at what was waiting for me when I got home today. Hello new friend. I will carry you with me everywhere. <3

Friday, April 20, 2012

Dye hard.

In my life time I have dyed my hair just about every color , except green. I can't bring myself to do green, i associate green with bad smells.

I have never had my hair professionally dyed.

Through all the colors, mistakes, and accidental awesomeness i have learned a few things.

The color in the bottle does not necessarily resemble the color it will be on your hair.
     My mom and I recited this mantra the first few times we dyed our hair. I wanted red hair and the bottle very Clearly  looked purple. It all worked out in the end. I have not seen my natural hair color since that day, I was 13.

Fashion colors will stain EVERYTHING
     and I mean everything. The richer the color the more that its going to come off in the shower, on the towel, on your pillow case and your hands. Relatively anything your head touches has the chance to be stained.

Rubbing Alcohol and Vaseline are your friends
        When adding color to your hair vaseline is a proactive way to prevent skin staining. If you're like me and are way to excited to dye your hair to wait and slather vaseline on your forehead and ears rubbing alcohol will remove most staining... if you do it in a reasonable amount of time.

BLeach + Red hair = orange hair.
         I've done this on more than one occasion. I call it fire hair. The roots bleach just fine and then fade into and orangey-yellow color where the red used to be. A few times i did it on purpose. Bleaching it again will not work. If you want blonde you will need to tone your hair with a blue/purple toner to remove the copper tone. It will damage your hair.

Coloring your hair by yourself is not usually a good idea.
     Ive been dying my hair for more than ten years, with all different brands professional and store brand alike, and I still miss spots on occasion. I usually wait until I have a buddy to let me know whether or not I look like a cheetah.

Heat can be your best friends
     Plastic caps and heat can deepen the color or intensify the bleach you are using. Ive been known to use a grocery bag under a wrapped up to towel to hold the moisture and my body heat in. Blow dryers through a cap/towel combo has given me awesome results with pinks, blues, and toning. Dont be stupid and suffocate.

Back from black is hard...
    At least its hard on your hair. it takes several bleachings which tend to be uneven if you want to return to a lighter color.

If you over do it IT WILL FALL OUT
   Read up on frequency and tips and trick from REAL stylists(not me) to determine what  is appropriate and safe. I have had my hair so damaged it  wouldnt take color and would snap in half if you touched it. Dont let it get that far.

Do Some research
    Happy accidents are fun, and it will always grow back but do some research first. With google there is really no excuse for not having a clue.

Try something new if it doesnt work out its not the end of the world. 

BTW I am an amateur not a professional, double check everything with someone who knows what they are doing.

Thursday, April 19, 2012


Today I have a doctors appointment.
An appointment that has been avoided, cancelled, rescheduled, and ignored.
To preface:
I have serious issues with my hips. I have for a long time. At 16 I went to the doctor for the first time. He told me there was nothing wrong me. Perhaps it was growing pain, perhaps i had hurt a muscle in some strange way. I was told it would pass and referred to a physical therapist. The physical therapist told me something completely different, uneven hips.
Recently I've been told I had a groin pull and that was my problem. Really? An 8 year long groin pull?

Since pregnancy my hips have gotten exponentially worse. I can't sleep because laying in one position hurts. Sitting on the floor is not an option. I can't even put on my own socks...

This is my center of gravity and its fucked.

I'm scared. Scared there will be something awful, something that could have been fixed at 16.

 I am considerately more scared that there will be absolutely nothing. And I will either have to suffer or live on pain management.

Then there is the prospect of surgery, therapy, braces, ect...

To much to list really. Luckily Hubs works for on of the top orthopedic surgeons in the country. In his office are about a dozen more orthopedists. I certainly have options...

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A surprise

Hubs surprised me with a ring containing L's birthstone.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Muse reminds me....

Of teenage art room angst. 💋💋


Today people will judge me harshly.
They will think awful and inaccurate things about me.
They will whisper snicker and stare.
They will think I'm a bad mother.
All because of a silly little thing like hair.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Sketch from small reference.

I'm rusty.

I can do SO MUCH better

Inspiration, as of late...

Ive been doing a lot of this and a lot of that... mostly things to fill my etsy store. i havent been doing alot of inspired art work.

I have been researching and mapping out a few ideas. Whne i get stuck on a subject I have to learn it, paint it and make it before it leaves my system. It seems like the only efficient way to take advantage of the way my mind works.

Lately it has been anatomy, more specifically (as of late) the brain and chemical compounds consistant with the brain. 


I love the shape of brain cells and the geekery of atomic structure. 

Plus I have been trying desperately to more abstract and emotive art, which is tough. I learned how to photocopy essentially and I am damn good at representing exactly whats there. It what isnt there that I need to work on. 
I've accepted myself as an artist. Now i feel i must develop my art, my style and my technique. Ive ordered A "Sketch a day" visual journal to aid this matter. Not that I couldnt just do this in a sketchbook but there seems to be something to this idea. Somthing to draw from and see my progress, to share my progress. 
And I want it. 

I plan on doing a series of brain chemistry related paintings. 
Maybe the brain of a psyhcopath. 

Monday, April 9, 2012


I recently hit my 5% weight-loss goal. I have decided to make my goal weight 140 pounds. It sounds reasonable based on my frame. 

When I hit my goal I bought a pair on ridiculous shoes. They are about 5 inch heels that make me as tall as my husband. 

I probably wont celebrate in a monetary fashion every time I lose another 5%, although that would be a sure way to keep my weight-loss rolling along. I decided I do need an ultimate goal to achieve.

In the past the goal of just weight loss wasn't enough. I havent known a thin body since the 8th grade, so I could talk myself out of diet, exercise, or restraint.  
so I need a different type of goal to accompany the goal of a better me. 

Of course it had to be an animal. a weird animal at that. A Sphynx. The more I read about these ugly little guys the more I desperately want one. Just look at it. It screams "Love me. Its not my fault I dont have any hair. Pwease"

Not to mention I would love to own a cat that would most likely scare people when they came into my house. Who wants a cat that looks like a demon? ME!

How can you not love that face? 

So when i hit 140 pounds I can buy a ridiculous cat. So based on safe weight loss it wont be until next year. Thats ok. It is one more to work for. 

So in order to stay on track I sent all of the Easter candy To work with my husband. Candy is my kryptonite.  

71 pounds to go.

Sunday, April 8, 2012


Most people want bikinis or cruises as weight loss goals. 71 pounds and I may get an ugly cat.