Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Emotional pornography...

I read an article today titled "You can't marry a hot vampire". I am willing read anything that bashes twilight but this one article had a bit more substance than poking fun at sparkly douche-canoes. It wasn't a whole lot of substance but the sentiment got me thinking.

Most men watch porn. It creates an unrealistic fantasy. This is obvious. There aren't many uninhibited promiscuous sex loving women that are completely willing to have a random unattached wild romp in the sheets (or kitchen, garage, and party van) with the random man or men that happen to knock on their door. Granted I think a lot of men are just content to find a women willing to have sex with them on a regular basis. The fantasy still lingers. Some a bit more ridiculous than others.

Romance novels and romantic movies create the same type of fantasy. The wonderful prince charming who comes to your rescue. It seems like a lot of women expect the toad they are with will someday turn into that prince charming.... magically. Fairy tales and fiction tell us women that a handsome sparkling man will emerge and be absolutely perfect for us, give us everything we want in life, and create an intense obsession with our soul.  Though what no one takes into account is that this may require being kidnapped, tied up or in some rare cases a time traveling mail box.  When that man comes around who looks at someone with such intensity, it usually ends in a restraining order.

Porn fulfills an erotic fantasy of sex without effort, and romantic fantasy fulfills an emotional fantasy of love without effort.

Love is not perfect. If it was there would be no need for porn OR cheesy romance fiction. Fantasies of that magnitude would not need to exist.

This article seemed to warn men of what fantasy they are expected to fulfill but will never live up to. Men expect the same out of women, an un-attainable archetype.

We don't really do this with other fantasy. I mean who really expects there to be monsters under the bed or a secret magical school. As a child I wanted dragons to be real. I wanted one so bad. AS a teenager I wanted to be an Anne Rice style vampire. Hell, as an adult part of me secretly wished I looked like Angelina Jolie.

These are harmless but the fantasies we create about love, emotion, and adult relationships are terribly harmful.

Why do we do this to ourselves? It is possible to love like crazy, but it is so easy to overlook love because it doesn't look like Taylor Lautner or pursue us after being infinitely rejected. Love is a human concept, therefore it is subject to human flaws.

Driving off into the sunset is an impossible task... the sun is always setting somewhere.

 As adults we should know better, I learned the hard way. Having unrealistic fantasies about Love ruined the beginning of my marriage. I should have known better. I will make every effort to teach my daughter the difference.

Though I will always hold some hope that someday i'll be telepathic,  able to walk through walls, be invisible, and magic.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Master of none....

I have been super productive lately... as seen in my last post. When L naps I explode, and apparently that explosion consists of creativity and yarn as of late.

 3 1/2 hats, an eyeglasses case, a kindle cover, and a stuffed owl rattle. Holy shit bat man.

I have always felt as if I was a Jack of all trades type of gal. I can pick up anything and be at least mildly successful after a bit, and yes that was cocky. I have always felt I am, however, not a master in any particular art. Unless you consider sarcasm an art. Most of this stems from being around creativity ALL of my life.  I can sew, yes... but my Mom is a master seamstress, quilt-maker, fabric hoarder, and all around bad-ass with fabric. I can draw, yes... but my best friend has a Masterful and educational knowledge and talent of all things to do with creating an image from scratch. etc.  When I dabble in arts it is often for a gift, in fact I own only one piece of artwork that I have done out of maybe 30.   People say "You made that? Thats beautiful, thats awesome" and so on... I have always thought. "You like this? You should see what my friends can do."

About a year ago I took up knitting. Mostly out of boredom. I have worked everyday since I was thirteen, and I supported my husband and part of his family through some really serious illness. My husband was giving me a break... I was burnt out and  I didn't have to work. At this time we didn't have a child.... and was I painfully bored. I quickly found out that there was nothing on daytime television and there is only so many times you can play the same video game. Bored, bored, bored. Reading became boring, I couldn't find anything inspiring to draw, and I made a few really random things that I have hidden in the back of a closet now. Who doesn't want a light fixture made out of chicken wire, Christmas lights and an old bedsheet? Me that's who.

I perused through the craft aisle at walmart... I didnt want to waste my time or money getting excited at Micheals or Hobby Lobby considered my attention span at that time. Two options knitting or crochet, I had exhausted everything else. . My grandma crochets and all I could think of was all of the awful blankets she has given me over the years plus knitting was supposed to be more challenging than crochet. I didn't hold much hope.

I made a few practice scarves that curled up at the sides because I was knitting to tightly... I attempted to made a blanket with yarns of two different densities, that didn't work out well... and i successfully made my mom a scarf for Christmas that was far too wide. She still wears it. Of course it had to click with something weird for me. I had tons of unfinished projects. I have no patience and I get frustrated easily . I started a hat, this hat....

With my husband underneath it. 

It was my first success really. And it all clicked from there with a fish hat. 

I am adept at knitting and crochet. I can learn the techniques of both easily. I am mastering this art and what I am making doesn't look like my grandma made it!

I have found my craft.... have you found yours? 

Thursday, November 10, 2011

It's OK


                             It's OK thursdays

Its Ok Thursdays


   .... to let the husband stay up all night with the baby because you feel like crap

..... to incorporate "shipping"  into your monthly budget because your friends moved to Florida

  .... to completely forget you were doing laundry (oops!)

    .... to do all of your shopping online so you dont have to deal with holiday shoppers

  .... to feel lame for no particular reason

   .... to make weird things for dinner because you have yet to go grocery shopping

  .... to want to up and move right next to my mom, to make my life simpler

   .... to spend all of your free time working on everything you could possibly think of instead of doing housework

  .... to spend half the day cuddling with the baby

  ..... to feel like your crazy for no reason at all


Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Sometimes you just feel awesome about yourself.... this week has made me feel pretty awesome,

Examples of my awesomeness:

I created a crochet pattern for a hat. I made said hat AND IT FIT! Not to mention was too painfully cute!
Not the greatest pic of the hat, but a great pic of L

I tackled and mastered Entrelac knitting the first time around.

I got my husband a beautiful hand carved chess set for his birthday and beat him the first time we played.

I officially kick ass at chess. 

I incorporated Lyla into some of my exercise routines so I don't have to forfeit baby time.

I started several graphic projects to put in an online store just for kicks. Why not?

I've lost 12 pounds all together ( though 10 of that was baby weight)

I finished ANOTHER fish hat commission.

Cracked Photoshop all by myself like a big girl. (Nathan would be proud)

Usually when I start to feel like this I get a false sense of invincibility. Its so incredibly unrealistic. Sometimes my thoughts end up like this

"I AM AWESOME. I can do ANYTHING. Maybe I'll go on safari and punch a lion!"
Though It usually ends with my inflated ego being popped by something silly, like being beaten in a video game.

Its OK to feel like a rock star sometimes. I can certainly tell my mind is much more active lately, mostly because I have had weird dreams. Anyone else win a hand of poker with trip 11's? Not jacks, 11's. Yeah I didnt get it either, but i had won  $40,000 in the dream .  Maybe its a sign. Maybe I'll be buying a lottery ticket on 11-11-11 in addition to Skyrim. Realistically I will probably be to busy having a nerd-gasm over Skyrim to even think about a lottery ticket. I mean come on.... DRAGONS!

Excuse me while I clean up my drool.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

When you feel like super woman...

In the past week I have....
-finished another fish hat commisson.
-created and crocheted an infant earflap hat pattern for lyla...
-started several graphic designs
-conquered entrelac knitting
-started several christmas projects.
-and more!

Will update more later, tired.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

A special connection

I've learned recently that there is something special about me. Not in the 'wears a helmet all the time' fashion but more on a person to person scale.

Growing up my father always told me that strangers would target him out of a crowd for no reason. " There could be 6 people sitting at a bar and the damn wino will come up to ME and only me and ask me to buy him a drink"
 It is surprising considering he has social appeal of an angry bear.

The last time I went to a Drag show the one straight guy (twice my age mind you) waded through all the queens to hit on me.  WHY?!? Trust me I don't look friendly. I had chalked that one up to my Double D's... I dont want this 'gift'

I had moved in with my in laws and on the first day my Mother in law asked me if I smoked pot.... I thought it was a trap. It had to be a trap. It wasn't, she was serious. How do you even respond to that?

Today some lady came up behind me in a check out line, politely said "excuse me" and proceeded to tie MY SHOE! How do these people find me?

Make it stop....