Saturday, November 24, 2012

Change of scenery

It's seems that as much as I have changed this season still makes me feel the same 

Although Im 1100 miles from home I'm still filling in the same traditions. The tree is up and decorated though it is the least Christmasy Christmas tree ever by choice . It seems every year as soon as the tree is up I leave sleep behind me as a distant memory.

Though each season has it's own distinct differences. I started out writing in journals by the light of the tree. Then on the computer maybe on my phone. Now on a tablet.

I often worried about living a life that had been lived 1000 times before. I wrote about how I'd make my life stand out from those around me. Id be lying if I said that fantasizing about being rich and famous wasn't a part of that need to stand out.  It did fade away as I matured and realized that the desire to differentiate my life was a reality and fame wasn't the way I would naturally design my future 

I sit here in Florida, still cold by the way, realizing my path to living a life less lived  has begun a long time ago 

Perhaps I should explain 'a life less lived'. I never wanted to live the same life as those people around me. I was certainly on my way to one. Farm house, young marriage, family, housewife... I was on my way to xanax, mind numbing antidepressants and hiding liquor around the house to numb my existence.

It works beautifully for some, they want to be cared For and don't need the drugs to cope . I am a restless soul.

I move forward with a great need to finish my novel, to increase my art skill, to make an impact  and support my family's endeavors 

I am certainly living a life less traversed by standards and knowledge that I can't even express 

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