Dye hard.

In my life time I have dyed my hair just about every color , except green. I can't bring myself to do green, i associate green with bad smells.

I have never had my hair professionally dyed.

Through all the colors, mistakes, and accidental awesomeness i have learned a few things.

The color in the bottle does not necessarily resemble the color it will be on your hair.
     My mom and I recited this mantra the first few times we dyed our hair. I wanted red hair and the bottle very Clearly  looked purple. It all worked out in the end. I have not seen my natural hair color since that day, I was 13.

Fashion colors will stain EVERYTHING
     and I mean everything. The richer the color the more that its going to come off in the shower, on the towel, on your pillow case and your hands. Relatively anything your head touches has the chance to be stained.

Rubbing Alcohol and Vaseline are your friends
        When adding color to your hair vaseline is a proactive way to prevent skin staining. If you're like me and are way to excited to dye your hair to wait and slather vaseline on your forehead and ears rubbing alcohol will remove most staining... if you do it in a reasonable amount of time.

BLeach + Red hair = orange hair.
         I've done this on more than one occasion. I call it fire hair. The roots bleach just fine and then fade into and orangey-yellow color where the red used to be. A few times i did it on purpose. Bleaching it again will not work. If you want blonde you will need to tone your hair with a blue/purple toner to remove the copper tone. It will damage your hair.

Coloring your hair by yourself is not usually a good idea.
     Ive been dying my hair for more than ten years, with all different brands professional and store brand alike, and I still miss spots on occasion. I usually wait until I have a buddy to let me know whether or not I look like a cheetah.

Heat can be your best friends
     Plastic caps and heat can deepen the color or intensify the bleach you are using. Ive been known to use a grocery bag under a wrapped up to towel to hold the moisture and my body heat in. Blow dryers through a cap/towel combo has given me awesome results with pinks, blues, and toning. Dont be stupid and suffocate.

Back from black is hard...
    At least its hard on your hair. it takes several bleachings which tend to be uneven if you want to return to a lighter color.

If you over do it IT WILL FALL OUT
   Read up on frequency and tips and trick from REAL stylists(not me) to determine what  is appropriate and safe. I have had my hair so damaged it  wouldnt take color and would snap in half if you touched it. Dont let it get that far.

Do Some research
    Happy accidents are fun, and it will always grow back but do some research first. With google there is really no excuse for not having a clue.

Try something new if it doesnt work out its not the end of the world. 

BTW I am an amateur not a professional, double check everything with someone who knows what they are doing.

Somedays...

Somedays my morbid sense of humor seeps through...

Snippets from grandma....

" I am 70 now, that means i can say whatever the hell I want" So was the statement made by my dear grandmother about 4 years ago. Well she definitely held true to that statement. Though i never thought it would embarrass me publicly...

Directly after her arrival home from the hospital and fresh from knee surgery she began to receive dozens of visitors. Most of which i was related to, but had never met. All whom which told me they loved me dearly. Umm..... ok? the things she said in reference to her body were all together humiliating and hilarious.

"Look at all the yellow bruises! Ha! Look, Im a 'china-men'..." . . . Oh dear lord. This she said to not only family but all her physical therapists. There was that folksy racism i mentioned previously.... This woman still uses the word 'colored', in public. How is it that old people manage to make racism funny?

My uncle decides to use the downstairs bathroom the other day, while he is perfectly capable of going upstairs. Which is normally no big deal (except he leaves the door wide open for number 1), but today he decided to go in and shut the door just as grandma had the same idea... "Danny! Danny! don't you sit down." nothing came from behind the bathroom door. "DANNY! I need to potty!" Im not kidding by the way she did say potty. "DANNY!" She shuffled he walker towards the door and my uncle emerged holding up his pants and laughing.... -now for the best part- "Keep laughing mister, next time i'll just come in and poop on you!" Did she just say that? She did. He was still laughing. "I will do it! Next time I'll sit right down on your lap and poop on you.... we will see how you like it!" The whole rest of the day she threatened to poop on him, whether or not that was the topic of discussion.

She also has some very brilliant solutions....

Like for the oil spill. "Why don't they just stuff the oil CEO's down the hole... right after the president. That'll plug is up." I suppose it would, grandma.

In reference to a recent KIA comercial in where a salesmen is asking for money in order to get down off of a room my grandma says " Push him, He'll get down alot faster and cheaper that way."

This is wear my genes come from... help me.

A Horrible Miss-'egg'venture...

I am a temporary care giver by day and a semi-closeted freak by night....

Daytime Moody takes care of her grandma and Uncle.

My Grandma, who has had total knee replacement surgery, and my uncle, who is mentally handicapped, need company, a meds distributor, a lunch chef, and a watchdog during the day. Its very mind numbing. A barrage of daytime TV, general generation gap misunderstandings, and folksy racism make up part of my daytime regime.

Being the lunch chef is where todays hilarity began. I can cook elaborate meals from scratch but apparently I can't boil eggs. What is wrong with me?

Egg salad should not be a daunting task, but i guess I got distracted. Probably by something shiny. Never-the-less. I lost track of time. Specifically the amount of time the eggs were boiling. For fear of over boiling eggs (can you over boil eggs?) I took them off the burner.

Peeling eggs that are still gooey is a near-impossible task. Actually it becomes a complete pile of fail and eggs. And if you didn't know fail and eggs looks likes a semi soft chicken embryo suspended between two mildly cooked egg whites. Me being the genius moody I am I needed double the proof...

Afraid to face the grand matriarch of my family with being an egg based failure, I hatched a plan to still use all of the eggs. While boiling the still shelled eggs would be easy, how do you cook open semi-soft eggs still halfly in the shell? Oh goodness, why didn't i just throw them away?

Apparently microwaving eggs so close to freedom is not a good idea. Sure the first minute or so is grand, but then the popping begins. The exploding. The tears. The 30 second countdown became violent, a nail biter. I can't believe this is what I'm reduced to. The microwaved eggs were still usable. And apparently mustard covers up the taste of radiation burnt eggs.

Well no one was ever the wiser ans I was left with a feeling of strange satisfaction of Macgyvering eggs and shame for... well everything else.

Don't judge me.