Painting concrete

To look like flagstone.

I am sore but it is so cool!

Pin up motivation

If I truly do lose all of this weight. I am just going to dress up like a pin up girl for the rest of my life. 

So here is my mid-morning motivation. 

When i hit that last goal I think I'm going to convince my brilliant artist friend to take a pin-up photo set of me. 

Cortisone

Tomorrow I get cortisone injections in my back and hips. Something different for my pain. Finally.
The doctor predicts it will take away my pain for 6 months to a year and I can work on muscle building.


I am simultaneously excited and terrified.

Google has got to be the worst thing when you are nervous about a medical procedure. All of the over-dramatic over embellished horror stories posted on forums are the devil. A friend of mine has them once  a year  in the same spots i will have them done. There is a good chance it will increase my pain for 24-48 hours before it takes it all away.

So today I've spent the day deep cleaning the house and sanitizing toys. I've over cleaned everything so I dont have to do anything for a few days. Steam cleaned the entire kitchen and bathroom top to bottom. I mean hand and knees steaming the floors and scrubbing.


I've lined up sets of kitschy movies to watch and a few volumes of my favorite manga, Dogs: Bullets and Carnage. My only job is to take care of my wonderful little girl

'till next time loves. 

Week in review. Kinda.

Needs

I need to get this finished.

... But we loved with a love that was more than love... -Poe.

Weighing In

This point in my weight loss sucks. Ive been here before. Exactly this weight, teetering on the edge of a breakthrough but never quite getting there.

I hate it. This time I was looking for something to break the cycle.So I was going to cleanse and reset  body.

Then I tried to chop my finger off while cutting up fruit for the baby. I got 1 1/2 days of fasting in before I did this. I bled through two paper towels and a band-aid waiting for my husband to come home to inspect my new wound. A little bit lower and I wold have needed stitches. A little bit higher and I would have taken the tip of my finger off. Brilliant.

 By the time he got home (10 minutes later) I was nauseous, shaking and feeling faint. The beginning stages of shock. He quickly forced apple juice down me while he cleaned and glued my wound together.Then after informing me I need real calories (and not weird syrup water) he made dinner. .

There ended my fast.

At this point in my journey I always get stuck and always convince myself to love me as I am physically. Its hard not to. I got married at this weight, conceived a child at this weight. I was all together loved regardless of my weight. I never really had self image issues (until after my c-sec) and I always felt comfortable in my body. Losing weight wasn't really a big deal. I loved me. I still love me.

Now as I'm growing as a person I feel like this shape doesn't fit the aesthetic Im yearning for. I am not striving for skinny I am striving for me, the way I envision myself looking.

Now the fast is out of the question for at least a week, Ill have to find some other way to break the cycle.