Up at 4:30 this morning for no other reason besides, well, sad.
My vacation was amazing. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace in the presence of my dearest friends. I only wish Hubs could have shared it with me.
We had wonderfully existential conversation. Danced wildly. Vowed to never drink tequila again. Fell asleep as the sun came up. Laughed uncontrollably. Enhanced our perception. Compared each other to the characters in an anime.
Now I sit and think about what I'm going to do today. We are going to attend yet another cookout hosted by my large polish family. I will listen to my Grandma complain about my blue hair. I will hear one uncle get louder as he drinks more and listen to another uncle tell the same joke I've heard a dozen times now. I will watch my nieces play in the pool.
It's a lovely dynamic. My husband calls us the Brady bunch though we are far from it. Still, I find myself yearning for the family that found me and nurtured me not because they had to but because they wanted to. My blood is wonderful, folksy, and fun. My transcendent family is so much more
. I love my parents, siblings, aunts uncles ect. But let's face it I am a blue haired, intelligent, tattooed, bi-sexual, unapologetic witch in the midst of a repressed catholic Midwestern tribe.
I want my daughters life to be enriched by the genuine hearts of my friends. I want our oddity, difference and reverence for life to be normal for her. If she is as different as the rest of us then I don't want her to face to confusion an frustration of naturally struggling against social norms.
I miss my family deeply.