Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Emotional pornography...

I read an article today titled "You can't marry a hot vampire". I am willing read anything that bashes twilight but this one article had a bit more substance than poking fun at sparkly douche-canoes. It wasn't a whole lot of substance but the sentiment got me thinking.

Most men watch porn. It creates an unrealistic fantasy. This is obvious. There aren't many uninhibited promiscuous sex loving women that are completely willing to have a random unattached wild romp in the sheets (or kitchen, garage, and party van) with the random man or men that happen to knock on their door. Granted I think a lot of men are just content to find a women willing to have sex with them on a regular basis. The fantasy still lingers. Some a bit more ridiculous than others.

Romance novels and romantic movies create the same type of fantasy. The wonderful prince charming who comes to your rescue. It seems like a lot of women expect the toad they are with will someday turn into that prince charming.... magically. Fairy tales and fiction tell us women that a handsome sparkling man will emerge and be absolutely perfect for us, give us everything we want in life, and create an intense obsession with our soul.  Though what no one takes into account is that this may require being kidnapped, tied up or in some rare cases a time traveling mail box.  When that man comes around who looks at someone with such intensity, it usually ends in a restraining order.

Porn fulfills an erotic fantasy of sex without effort, and romantic fantasy fulfills an emotional fantasy of love without effort.

Love is not perfect. If it was there would be no need for porn OR cheesy romance fiction. Fantasies of that magnitude would not need to exist.

This article seemed to warn men of what fantasy they are expected to fulfill but will never live up to. Men expect the same out of women, an un-attainable archetype.

We don't really do this with other fantasy. I mean who really expects there to be monsters under the bed or a secret magical school. As a child I wanted dragons to be real. I wanted one so bad. AS a teenager I wanted to be an Anne Rice style vampire. Hell, as an adult part of me secretly wished I looked like Angelina Jolie.

These are harmless but the fantasies we create about love, emotion, and adult relationships are terribly harmful.

Why do we do this to ourselves? It is possible to love like crazy, but it is so easy to overlook love because it doesn't look like Taylor Lautner or pursue us after being infinitely rejected. Love is a human concept, therefore it is subject to human flaws.

Driving off into the sunset is an impossible task... the sun is always setting somewhere.

 As adults we should know better, I learned the hard way. Having unrealistic fantasies about Love ruined the beginning of my marriage. I should have known better. I will make every effort to teach my daughter the difference.

Though I will always hold some hope that someday i'll be telepathic,  able to walk through walls, be invisible, and magic.


  1. I really enjoyed reading this one. I think I had thought about this once, at a passing thought, but I'm glad you expanded upon it. It was very interesting. I read all of your blogs and I wish I could comment on everyone but I figure that will come out in conversation when that inevitable moment arrives. At any rate, this I would forget to mention as in the grand scheme of things it really is less significant and important to you and how I care about you. So anywhoo (I hope that makes sense, I'm a weird wave length right now).

    The one part I thought about perhaps from a different perspective though, is that fantasy is the source of my creativity. I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I strive to make my fantasies as tangible as possible. It's why I made a room, why I made that damn costume... it's why I breath. Perhaps artists are the exception the the rule, because for most people I can understand how if they take it too far it can become harmful. I actually fully agree with that.
    Those people haven't or simply don't have the capacity to cross over that line and transpose that obsessiveness into something meaningful, or at the very least, inquisitive. It plagues me. lol

  2. I now you read my stuff, but somedays I write/post SO much, its impossible for anyone to keep up.

    I don't think fantasies are bad by any means... Some fantasies can completely come true, unfortunately I will never be able to become invisible. I think so people can't tell the difference between fantasies.