unconventional

Like many people of my similar outlook and lifestyle I had always thought that I would be an unconventional parent. I  have always enjoyed such a wide variety of activities and styles how could I not be unconventional?

My parents, who are wonderful, did alot of very conventional things with me. My dad put me in softball, which I would have liked if my coach wasn't a tool. My mom taught me very maternal housewifey things like sewing and alteration. Of course excelling at these things gave me a bit of an ego. AS a child I was really good at everything creative. I have always been a bit different and the creativity didn't really help me in the normal department.  I suppose I was a bit different form the beginning seeing as my favorite board game was a Halloween graveyard style game and I loved scary  and violent video games. Now parents that do that sort of thing are rare.

What is really considered unconventional any more? It seems like parents get younger and younger and families became more blended. Today it seems unconventional to be married when you have your first child. I see nothing wrong with be an un-married mother, however. A piece of paper that gives you tax breaks doesn't exactly scream proof of a loving relationship to me.  Its entirely common for parent to play video games with their children, for both parents to work, and  for a child to have more than one mommy and/or daddy.

 At this rate we will be unconventional more because of our family values. I have a large family which will be involved in my child's life. It will know its great grandma and great aunts and uncles just as well as its regular aunts and uncles. We get together for everything and I seem to be carrying on the trend of having a September baby. This child will add another birthday to September making the grand total 5. Got to love Christmas time ;)

I think that it probably wont be uncommon for my child to see me making strange things like hair pieces and costumes then go on to do normal things like clean the house. I can't imagine sheltering my child from the thigns that make its mom and dad weird. Lets face it normal is vastly over-rated.

Worthless Human Existence....

I have been trying really hard not to sink so low as to post a hate blog. AS a matter of fact one reason I deleted my Myspace was because I had so many and it was unnecessary. I have been good. As I peruse my blog postings I feel I have been fairly passive in dealing with annoyances here.  Ive complained a bit, mostly about in-laws,  but not been aggressively nasty.
 If I let off steam it ill save me from hurting innocent people later on, like my husband. Now that I've needlessly justified myself, on with the rage....

My husband left this morning to clear snow at his fathers and didn't come back for some time. When he finally returned he gave me some of the worst news I have ever heard. His waste of life step sister is most likely pregnant. I say most likely because the fucking moron refuses to take a pregnancy test or see a doctor. Why, you ask? Because that means the fat fuck would have to stop doing drugs and drinking everyday. She refuses to stop.

This fuck-tard , dana, is horrid and I thank god everyday that those genes don't touch our gene pool.
Neither her nor her tool bag of a husband have any desire to get a job. They are funded by her seriously fucked up mother. She drinks and partys with them while knowing her daughter  is pregnant. I suppose dana never had a chance seeing as nothing good could ever come from her mother. Together they are both like a whirling abyss of hot molten shit.

  Of course as they leech of my cancer ridden father in laws nearly non existent social security they steal from us as well. Now, how wonderful, she would be due about the same time as I would. So now are we going to steal diapers and formula or finally grow the fuck up? Im guessing grow the fuck up isn't an option.  Luckily we have changed the locks.

Times like this I wish I was a bad person. If I was a bad person I could just not care about this poor child, if even it survives. I would be pissed if someone was stealing my baby stuff from me but could I really be pissed for long? It isn't the child's fault its parents are pieces of shit. It isn't this child's fault that its parents refuse to get a job to pay for basic essentials. I mean really how mad could I be that the child has food and diapers... and I have a little less money.

I know they are gonna stay close too, so I wont have a chance to forget about it either. Some people should be sterilized.

I can hope that a baby would be the life jarring event that causes them to change their ways. After all I've known some complete idiots who have children now and they make great parents, some aren't wonderful, but none are really terrible. Food, shelter, clothing, love, and patience when you break it down its not that bad. Money can be hard I know We've all been there but you figure it out especially for a child's sake.

Rob thinks this child is going to end up on our doorstep... I dont even know how to respond to that. 

Furry Babies

At the beginning of December the husband and I were busy scouting worthy dog breeders. We were scrutinizing blood lines, price, breed, and color of potential breeding dogs. I had begun construction designs on whelping boxes and pricing the whole operation out. It was exciting.

Then we happily discovered I was pregnant about mid January. That is an entirely different type of exciting.
Initially I was a bit disappointed I wouldn't be getting my big dogs or puppies. It felt like I was taking great leaps and bounds in one area of my life but stalling out in my professional dreams.

That thought has since been remedied. Just before we discovered the good news we bought an breeding colony of 5 sugar gliders. Beautiful gliders, all old enough to breed. Two of them even have rare genetics. Gorgeous lue het brother and sister... if paired properly could produce all white babies. On there Own they are gorgeous and worth more than what we paid for the whole lot. I believe one of my cinnamon gliders is pregnant.

 Why would I have to put my dreams of breeding on hold? I'll just scale 'em down a bit. I love spending time with my gliders, who are currently crabbing at me for moving too much. I will probably separate them for a while once we have the baby. I dont want to lose a joey because I am distracted by a much more important facet to my life.

   I'm not on hiatus.... just smaller scale. Mommy style and wonderfully happy about it.

Overwhelming

I did not expect such an overwhelming response yesterday! Almost everyone I told asked if I had a picture of the baby. Even after we explained to my father in-law that it looked more like a baby ferret in a egg yolk he was upset that we didn't bring home a picture. I don't think we could if we had wanted one because the ultrasound was so impromptu. So I stole a simliar one off the internet.

It doesn't look like much seeing as at this stage the baby is about the size of a lima bean. This is pretty much what we saw. It is so surreal.
I know im by no means first on the frontier of childbirth or pregnancy. I am however the first of my close friends to get pregnant. I of course had 4 friends from high school who had children at 17 or around there. I can't imagine having a baby that young.
My Mom had her first at 19 but she was married and  wanted badly  to be a mom. That is what she wanted since was a little girl. We have had the conversation so many times about how I cannot understand her wanting to have a child at 19. That was a different time and it was common to do such things. The fact that I cannot comprehend being a mom at 19 is a big indicator that I wouldn't have been ready. Truthfully I would have probably felt a bit cheated out of my youth. I don't like saying that but I see people my age or younger with 3 kids and still acting like kids themselves. Not everyone, mind you, some young mothers are perfectly wonderful. Not to mention other factors such as the father or family can contribute to the positive or negative.  Some women are programmed to be mothers early, and love it.

I however feel like this is an appropriate time.  Its time for a different type of fun a new path.
I am so excited. 

Relieved!

I say my baby today, well a small alien form in a yolk sac, but still I saw it.
Th Ob continued to use the words perfect and healthy through out the whole appointment. I feel so much better. I know I'm not quite out of the woods yet but the doc gave me some stats and figures that made me feel a lot better.
This ultrasound was impromptu after I told the doc how much trouble I had with my last OB. I get a more detailed and invasive ultrasound on valentines day. Which is really cute. Rob was more excited than me I think. He is making is a point to try and come to every appointment if possible.
what a glorious day!

I love oblivion

February...

February can get fucked. I just want it to be over already. I have a feeling I'm going to be fighting off stress all month. The chance of a miscarriage drops by nearly 80% after the first trimester. This is the last month of the first trimester for me. I am trying to stay positive, honestly I know there isn't much I can do to prevent such a thing but the thought still remains.

Outside stress factors are truly what I am bracing my self for. As much as we try we cannot control people or make them stay in another state. Maybe I can will them away.   -closes eyes real tight-  ... damn. Granted I haven't experienced anything in the last few months that should worry me. No contact or stress in close to 5 months.  Better to be prepared, I guess. I'd rather not be jumped  by stress but pleasantly surprised if there is a lack of it.

Unfortunately I am facing the fact that I will soon have to deal with my in-laws, which I can't stand. Truthfully most of them are terrible manipulative people whom I'd rather my child not be around. Separately three of them are teetering on the idea of moving farther away, not quite far enough for my taste but then again I'm not sure how far that would take. I pray everyday that they move... far away.

I really don't have much to complain about presently. I am just preparing myself I guess. I mean we have a house, a big house. Limited bills, room for animals, a big yard, and projects to do around the house. My only wish is that I was closer to my family. Still I'm kind of spoiled if you look at it from any perspective. Pregnancy has made me a princess, I don't like it.
I shouldn't complain.... Im getting a new digital SLR camera this month.

As long as I vent it doesn't weight heavy on my mind, expect lots of venting.
The more I write the less tress I have.