Sunday, May 22, 2011


My hair is... brown. Boring. Dull.

This is very new to me not being able to change my hair on a whim. I know its a great debate about whether or not pregnant women should dye their hair, but I would rather err on the safe side. After all I fully intend on breastfeeding, co-sleeping- and possibly making my own baby food why wouldn't I want to limit the chemicals that enter my body now? Brown is just so boring.

I am very used to my hair being an outward statement of an inner feeling. My hair has always said something different about me. Something like crazy, rebellious, unstable, fun, etc. Brown says typical, everyday, blend-into -the-crowd, and boring.

Why am I so defined by my hair?

When I was younger my hair was tied into a lot of my confidence. It seemed as if my confidence was directly related to how awesome I thought my hair looked. I didn't much care what other thought of it then. I guess I still don't. Still dying my hair always served as a pick me up. I think every color I have dyed my hair has added another badge directly onto my vanity.

In the midst of having anxiety issues my hair played a big part in controlling my world. When I felt a break-down coming I often tugged at my hair in the effort to remember that I was real. For me it was like gripping at realty and maintaining some level of control. At one point I was so very angry I began cutting at my hair. chopping away in no particular pattern.

My hair is a direct line to my sanity. I have no idea why. I certainly don't feel brown.

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