Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Weight loss

I have been a heavy girl for a long time, but I have only struggled with my weight for about a year now.

I know that may sound odd, a big girl who didn't care that she was big. I loved my body. My husband met and married me as a big woman. I rarely thought about it. In fact over the course of my lifetime many people (mostly insecure girls) tried to use my weight to insult me, to no avail. Like being heavy or fat was a surprise to me.

Now after a few years of stress, a pregnancy, and a c-section my body has changed. The  body I was used to is now misshapen and foreign to me. Right after I had the baby I weighed in at 245lbs, which was unreal.

Not only was I big, I felt big. I felt HUGE. Even that may be an understatement. I lived in yoga pants and stretch fabrics. I refused to go clothes shopping. Nothing i owned looked right. I have always wanted to present myself in a certain way. Even though that way may change from day to day it wasn't possible to achieve. Clothes on the rack looked odd and distorted on me. My perception and my reality were way off.
Its time for a change.

 I lost 20lbs on my own. Then got stuck. Its hard losing weight when you can't exercise. I'm 24 and some days my hips hurt so bad I can barely walk. That take a lot of exercise off the table, especially cardio. It seems like such a catch 22. I need to lose weight to take pressure of my hips and alleviate pain, but how am I supposed to lose weight if I can't exercise?

Weight watchers.

I felt a bit stupid joining weight watchers. I mean I know how to eat right and how to portion foods correctly, which is a lot of what weight watchers is, but i needed something. So i fell back on being a bit of a tightwad. I knew if I paid for it, I'd do it. I'd do it and have no excuses not to. It worked. Without exercise, Ive lost 10 pounds in 3 maybe 4 weeks. Thats not to shabby.

Total down: 30lbs

That makes me weigh in at 215.
 I dont have a concise goal.

For my height and build I am supposed to weigh in between 127-140. At my thinnest I weighed 150. My hope was to be healthier, and take as much weight as possible off my hips as I could. Beyond that Im not quite sure.

So I have created a wishlist. My weight loss wishlist. A list full of clothes that would fit my perception of my thinner self. I realize by the time I lose 70 more pounds alot of these clothes wont be for sale, but that doesnt matter. Its all about motivation.

Its all over the place but it works.

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