Thursday, October 27, 2011

Brain... fire... run!

I had one of those most painful crazy moments I have ever had today and I have no idea what brought it on.
I've been on a steroid for a few days now for my wrist pain. It easily makes me feel like a speed freak in a slow motion movie scene. In the right situation I could probably convince myself I was a vampire. But it has yet to make me feel like this...

I woke up like any other day, at 4am to a hungry easily satiated baby and an inability to go back to sleep. I weighed myself (lost another pound), exercised, and knitted.

The husband had the day off and all at once I decided it was no longer time for him to sleep in. I woke him with a special kind of energy, laid Little bit down next to him and began pestering him almost instantly. I was convinced something was wrong. He has allergies, his eyes were red.... he MUST be dying.  It made sense to me. For some reason I repeatedly asked him about his apparent degenerating mystery condition.

 At least until the baby started crying. Which prompted an around the room dance fest to no music. She stopped crying, started smiling. She loved it.... she is SO my child. Poor kid.

WALMART! We needed to go to walmart... right now. I needed ink to print off a pattern for a commission i had no intention of starting today. Still, we needed to go....

I spent the entire ride there forcing rob to listen to hard core punk rock covers of pop songs.

We quickly got the items we needed... and I just spent some time buzzing around completely irrelevant parts of walmart. While in the magazine aisle Husband had noticed a "no so secret" shopper. You know the loss prevention undercover employees who are set out to profile customers with purple hair. He was so obvious my spacey brain would have noticed him eventually. Needless to say it pissed me off. I think it pissed me off more because he was so terrible at it. I literally made eye contact with him 3 times while he was "shopping" for the same pair of levis that would not fit his apple shaped body. So i did what every other normal person would do. I followed him, then let him follow me to the bra section (he looked as if he may have never seen one), then I turned around and followed him until he became uncomfortable.

Once home I felt on fire. all of me on fire. I took a shower in an attempt to remedy this fire. Well, I more just stood under that water and listened to the same song over and over. It hurt. My brain hurt.

The only words that came out of my mouth before I collapsed on the floor in the living room were " My brain feels like a poet on fire and not in the colloquial 'you're an  awesome poet' sense. I feel like there is a Shakespearean poet in tights running around my head engulfed in flames... literally." The collapse was more dramatic than necessary.

I spent the next hour babbling about this or that and yelling at the television with my forehead planted on floor, knees to my chest. Until an ad for a new twilight-esque piece of shit high school vampire drama novel came on. After yelling obscenities at the TV i began another rant.

"Bullshit! Bullshit, this gives me no hope of writing anything worth writing. I might as well grab a blank book and vomit all over it and make copies. Then lonely desperate  idiot women would lap it up like it was a tub of Ben and fuckin' Jerry's. Jesus Christ... i just uncovered the secret to twilight. If i had no integrity, I'd ask  for a bucket and upchuck a best seller."

It all eventually ended. I feel much better. I think my mind needed to snap a bit. It always lets me be creative in very odd ways after.

1 comment:

  1. My God. Sometimes I don't realize the full extent to how similar we are. This was incredibly amusing to read, but as most things that I write that are amusing to read or listen to... I'm sure it wasn't nearly as amusing to experience. At least retrospectively it has its rewards. Damn, I miss you. CREATIVE ENERGY BOOM!!!