Thursday, March 10, 2011

Dads with disabilities. ..

   Like most moms to be I worry about everything. Is my house clean enough? Is my child going to have an allergy to the animals I breed or to the very grassy area we live in? Will I be ok without being closer to my family? Mostly Normal stuff. But besoming a parent has some new found worries that not all couples face.

  My husband has a seizure disorder. About a year after my husband and I married he had his first seizure and on my birthday too. I had been sleeping on the couch because we had bred out first litter of puppies and I wanted to make sure my dog was going to be a good mama. Its funny now that I think about it.  Rob had stumbled through the door early in the morning after returning from a third shift job. Instantly he woke me up and complained of double vision and a killer headache. Shortly there after he laid down and had his first seizure.

  Of course I rushed him to the hospital and spent countless hours arguing with the staff over whether he had an actual seizure. I have an uncle who has had seizures since before I was born and I was often around them. I knew what I was talking about luckily. A CT scan confirmed a seizure focus in his right temple and we were released with prescriptions in hand. A seizure focus is a large group of nerves in the brain that will misfire and send random eletrical pulses through the brain which will cause seizures.

  The seizures were completely out of no where and we spent nearly two years in and out of hospitas and doctors offices trying to figure out what went wrong. His Doctors nearly overdosed him on medication twice and he lost most use of his legs for nearly a month or more. One doctor finally diagnosed my husband correctly, all stress induced seizures. The medication was actually exacerbating his condition. Four years later we have found a good balance and he is finishing his first degree.

   Still this condition worries me as a parent to be. Though we have Robs condition mostly under control he still will have seizures every now and then.

  It is hard to tell a man who is so very excited to be a father to realize his limits. Still it is a major concern for our new family. Most families prepare by nesting and childproofing. We will have to prepare for reaching my husbands limits as well. Though seizures are now a rarity it cannot be set aside.

How do you tell a man he has reached his limit and he needs to step back? You don't. Well not bluntly at least. While he doesn't acknowledge his weaknesses he also pushes past them due to excitement on occasion. As his wife I have learned to be clever about it.  Supervision is unnecessary and it stresses him out, which doesn't much help the situation. I often find myself helping him more than he actually needs. I like to be close to him and that excuse is good enough for him.

Though wee will have some hurdles to overcome it should make parenthood even more worth it. I know how i be a clever wife... Now i need to learn to be a clever mom. 

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