Thursday, July 7, 2011

Family time...

    I have recently got the OK from my doc to dye my hair. Let me tell you I was Jones-ing, hard. So of course, being me, I had intended on dying my hair purple. Bright purple. Of course EVERY store in Findlay was out of the only brand I felt comfortable using... in both colors I wanted. Dammit. Still I can take a hint from the universe. What are the odd of 4-6 fully stocked super stores being out of a very niche permanent hair color? Slim to none. No stark purple for me, but a dark purple/burgundy instead. Tried but true.

I had wanted purple for two reasons.
1. I had never had that color before. Simple enough.
2. To make a point.

  This would honestly be the first time in a long time I was trying to look different for the sake of being different. Most times it just happens, but this time it had to do with family. Hubs family to be specific. Still my hair was different enough to make an impact. Even though no one mentioned it. I have had enough experience with strange hair to realize when it makes people uncomfortable.

  I have always grown up with an intensely supportive family. Even when it came to hair color. Hubs, however, did not. I have really struggled recently with their level of involvement in this child's life.  Mostly his maternal side, the rest we don't even see. Hubs has really let me make the overall decision. Family is so influential. The last thing I want is miss Lyla to have a complex about her Grandma or Aunt. Anyone really but these people are really my main concern.

I saw my Mother-in-law and Sister in law(plus her family)  for the first time in 2 years. MIL tried desperately to make me feel included. She even laughed with me about silly things. It was overall a good balance of making me feel welcome and being involved with everyone else.  I will never be best friends with this woman, we are just too different, but she is genuinely supportive of where we are going in life.  Mom's always have an opinion, its their job (lord knows my mom does), she has found a comfortable balance for expressing hers. I really appreciate that.
SIL and company, on the other hand, refused to acknowledge the fact that I am pregnant or the fact that rob will have a degree soon. I tend to get an overwhelming response everywhere I go about being pregnant. Especially with woman who have already had children. When talking to family it seems to be the only thing that exists.... which is OK, it is exciting. SIL made it a point to change the subject when MIL tried to chat about it, every time. I'm not sure why. On top of that SIL tried repeatedly to change the hubs mind about the medical field. He graduates in October for Christs sake.  What did they want him to do? Auto body. Oh good, daily welding and power tools for the man who has seizures, Brilliant.
 We do have completely different ideals. She prides herself on the fact that she has brainwashed her children and told them what careers to pursue based on nothing more than money. I am not exaggerating.

 Of course this unnecessary tension prompted a very long and serious conversation with the hubs. My last question to him was " If she doesn't want anything to do with Lyla now, why should she have anything to do with her in the future?" Luckily, he completely agreed.
I am not likely to split up his family, but I am likely to limit interaction with my SIL. Children are so sensitive to what people say, it can stick with them forever. The last place she should feel not good enough is around family.
Is it really so radical to want my child to feel supported and loved?

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